You Gotta Have Faith

Pulped fiction.

Title: “In Trump We Trust: E Pluribus Awesome!”

Author: Ann Coulter

Rank: 100

Quote: “There’s nothing Trump can do that won’t be forgiven. Except change his immigration policies.”

Published: Tuesday

Time Trump Changed His Immigration Policies: Tuesday night

Sample Tuesday Night Ann Coulter Tweet: “Well, if it’s ‘hard,’ then nevermind. Trump: ‘… to take a person who’s been here for 15 or 20 years ….It’s a very, very hard thing.'”

Customers Also Bought: Lies, lies, lies.

In Trump We Trust [Amazon]

I’m surprised that she never made a move on the King Oompah Loompah in order to become Queen Oompah Loompah.

Oh, this is too good:

Comedy Central’s impromptu roast of Ann Coulter

Comedian Nikki Glaser kicked things off by asking Coulter “what it’s like to be a real-life supervillain,” before speculating that the “the only man you’ll ever make happy is the Mexican digging your grave.”

“Ann Coulter has written 11 books, 12 if you count ‘Mein Kampf,’” she added. “You’re awful.”

Saturday Night Live’s Peter Davidson was a little more direct, saying that “Ann describes herself as a polemicist, but most people call her a cunt.” He could then be heard muttering the words “racist cunt” under his breath.

Roast master David Spade said that while Coulter “seems stiff and conservative, [she] gets wild in the sheets. Just ask the Klan.”


@ManchuCandidate: Someone’s gonna have to suck it up and be Wife/Contestant #4. At least it’ll save two other people.

For the blurb, did you consider “Three Strokes You’re Out,” nojo?

@mellbell: Damn. Missed opportunity.

ADD: What was I thinking? Fixed.

The Trumpster Fire is swindling into the Seattle area again for a rally tonight just in case Washington votes RepubliKKKan in November, which seems about as likely as Earth’s gravity instantly reversing itself.

Even the local RepubliKKKans (both of them!) are in the paper on record stating that this campaign stop makes absolutely no gawdamn sense.

And now it’s “Hola, Presidente Neato Penis” in today’s exciting episode of As the Campaign Burns: The Election to End All WTFs.

As if US Mexico relations can’t get any worse.

@ManchuCandidate: Laugh all you want, but I’ll bet the next Trumpist dart thrown lands on North Canuckistan, and he’ll be coming for your pet walruses and your votes!!!

@ManchuCandidate: Actually, would Canada mind just taking over? Not forevs, only for a few years while we (incompetently) try to get our shit together, like an Ayn Rand brain-eating, strung-out, crack ho clambering outta the gutter. This national psychosis is just exhausting.

How about we send you ex-PM Stevie? He’s not doing anything except a consulting firm on how to fuck things up. He’d love to rule you with an iron fist and get out of the horrors of the CBC, the long form Census, Trudeau and socialized medicine.

Probably not a good idea.

@ManchuCandidate: It’s his cold, dead, fish eyes that really seal the deal. He’d still be more popular than Clinton or Trump.

@ManchuCandidate: It’s perplexing to imagine how a grown man like Stephen Harper is so terrified of Peter Mansbridge. Rex Murphy, yes, obviously, Mansbridge, no. Wendy Mesly I can totally see smashing a beer bottle for use in a barroom brawl.

Harper loves Rex. As he is the troll doll with his troll doll hair, his troll doll size and his troll doll personality not to mention love of oil/gas and anything that the oil/gas industry says (climate change denialist.)

Also Mesley would want to smash a bottle over Mansbridge’s head first as they were once married and he went all Clinton on an actress to whom he is now married.

@ManchuCandidate: They got divorced?? Shoot, I am out of the loop. I’d heard that they were married, but that’s like thinking about your parents doing it. Awk-ward.

Also disappointed that Rex is a CCD. That man can elocute like a sonovabitch. His diction and Newfoundland accent are downright hypnotic.

Though it may be Mark Critch’s cranky impersonations of Rex on 22 Minutes that I really enjoy, rather than Rex himself.

Deevorced about 24 years ago (shit, I am old.)

Rex turned into quite the shit during the Harper years.

Doomocracy is the haunted house of your electoral nightmares

Forget zombies, ax murderers, and malevolent ghosts. This Halloween, artist Pedro Reyes is bringing the country’s collective nightmares to life with “Doomocracy,” a political haunted house opening October 7 and running all the way to November 6—yes, that would be two days before Election Day.

Staged in Sunset Park’s Brooklyn Army Terminal, the project—commissioned by Creative Time, which the Observer notes has also worked with notables like Kara Walker and Duke Riley—promises to “hold a funhouse mirror to democracy,” and oh, it is going to be terrifying.

As the project’s Kickstarter page explains, the “immersive installation” is a marriage of “two events haunting the American cultural imagination: Halloween and the nightmare that is the U.S. presidential election.” Accordingly, “the horrors of our political landscape will be turned into a haunted house where visitors will navigate a maze of near apocalyptic torments, from climate change to pandemic gun violence and more.…” It will be just like a regular haunted house, except the unmitigated parade of horrors is all based in reality. Boo!

@¡Andrew!: But taco trucks! Yay taco trucks on every corner!

@¡Andrew!: I, for one, am happy to give up my White Male Privilege in exchange for convenient taco trucks.

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