Might as well call it: We’re about to endure one of the ugliest elections in American history.

Granted, we’ve only been around for sixty years of it, so we might be giving undue weight to the present, which, unlike the past, is always uncertain. And granted as well, the 1860 election had certain consequences that we’re not facing. Yet.

Funny thing about the Civil War: It broke out five weeks after Lincoln’s inauguration, and ended—

See, that’s the funny thing. It hasn’t.

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What distinguishes us as a species — besides our singular ability to destroy all creation — is that we tell stories.

We’ve been telling stories for thousands of years. Our stories try to make sense of our world, and our place in it. Our stories can be fanciful, allegorical, misleading, even literal.

They can also be dangerous.

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The State of the Union address is one of our grandest political traditions.

It is also one of the silliest.

It begins with Honorable Congresscritters jockeying for aisle position where the Preznident walks in, the better to be caught on camera in the presence of American power. It continues with the ritual standing ovations from one half of the room or the other, plus the obligatory cutaways to Humble Citizens mentioned in the laundry-list speech. Finally, everyone sits on edge to hear whether the State of our Union is, indeed, strong, which would be the only surprise of the evening if it wasn’t.

Not only is it silly, it’s completely unnecessary.

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• Shopping Bag of Disgracefuls
• Cat Carrier of Disreputables
• Fanny Pack of Dreadfuls

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This is a picture of pug puppies and a baby. At least, I think that’s what that is.

I don’t know if any of you watch Martin Bashir on a regular basis. We do because he can be funny and trenchant in about equal measure. And plus he’s not Chris Matthews. But yesterday, as you may already know, he suggested that someone should shit in Sarah Palin’s mouth.

This came about because she referred to…

You know what? I really can’t be bothered. No doubt he’ll either have to crawl or resign. I don’t know what he was thinking. Well, actually I do and if you have the patience to watch the video you’ll see the point he’s trying to make.

Trouble is: one can’t excoriate the former half-term governor for abusing a slavery metaphor then turn around and do the same thing yourself. Not unless you have the decency to get drunk first.

Video is here.

means blowing up the old shit. Germany shows us how to do it – SPEND MONEY:

As Romney speaks notice he is smart enough to do so wo TelePrompTer unlike obama

— ChuckGrassley (@ChuckGrassley) September 7, 2012

The more Republicans stick to this tired meme, the more they’ll be blindsided. (Or they’ll just ignore it, like they ignore the rest of reality.) The whole notion of Romney as a Great Debater — we even caught Patton Oswalt assenting to it last night — stems from a friendly comparison to such Giants of Locution as Rick Santorum, Rick Perry, and Newt Gingrich. Even Clint Eastwood would shine with that competition.

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