Into the Woods

I’ve been very impressed by the coverage in the Washington Post, the New York Times, and the Los Angeles Times. Holee focke, I can’t believe I just wrote that, yet there it is. We’re all in the resistance now.

Zucker is probably the man most responsible for making CNN the biggest joke in journalism next to Faux. It was tolerable during the Bush years, but not even now.

@¡Andrew!: And then there’s Reuters:

“The Republican-led Senate on Friday gave Donald Trump the biggest triumph of his young presidency, confirming his Supreme Court nominee over stout Democratic opposition and restoring a conservative majority on the highest U.S. judicial body.”

That’s a classic Narrative Lead that completely misses the story and sets my teeth on edge.

The Kushner Family Passover Haggadah from McSweeney’s. Brilliant.

@SanFranLefty: And Sean Spicer chooses to usher in Passover with… tone-deaf remarks about the Holocaust. I can’t even.

@mellbell: I’m reluctant to look up Tantrum Spice’s CV and see which educational institutions have failed us this time, though Twitler and DeVoid are all the proof we need of the failure of our nation’s private schools.

@¡Andrew!: Don’t worry — in college, at least, they recognized what a tool he was.

Is it bad that I snicker every time Nicole Kidman’s Neutrogena wrinkle cream commercial comes on? Girl is infamous for her nips and tucks.

@mellbell: Her face hasn’t moved since 1998, which is incredible given her profession.

I’m in awe of Jane Fonda, who looks better at 79 than I do at 42. I guess I’m about the age now that she was when she filmed On Golden Pond. She’s fairly open about her nips, tucks, and sucks, and as I recall, she chimed in to an interview about her beauty secrets recently with “you wouldn’t believe how much this face cost.” Best plastic surgery I’ve ever seen.

Now let’s hold a moment of silence for Meg Ryan and her facial reupholstery disaster.

Chelsea Handler on Tantrum Spice:

“He’s so stupid. He can’t possibly be that stupid naturally.

He actually is telling different lies every day and getting in fights. I also wish I was in that press room so I could get up and be like, ‘how do you feel about working for this man who says one thing on Wednesday and another thing on Friday?’ And actually ask him questions that you can prove that he lied about. Instead they ask him serious questions as if he’s got a f**king answer. He doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”

@¡Andrew!: Ron Ziegler would know what to say.

@nojo: It’s a shame he doesn’t play a more substantive role in Nixon’s twitter feed (@dick_nixon, for the uninitiated).

@¡Andrew!: I’m going to have to force myself to stay awake Saturday night to see Melissa McCarthy’s brilliance on this “Holocaust Centers” craziness.

And w/r/t face lifts – I agree that Jane Fonda’s are better than most, I would add Sheryl Crow to that list. She looks better now at 5o-55ish than she did when she was 30 pre-work. On the men’s side, Harrison Ford and Bruce Springsteen have had excellent face lifts that are extremely subtle. The secret is to keep some wrinkles/sags in there versus creating a mask.

Other apocryphal shitty ass facelift besides Nicole’s & Meg Ryan’s is Renee Zellwegger’s.

I can’t afford any of their excellent surgeons, so I am what I am.

@SanFranLefty: Even though I loathe the aging process, I decided years ago that I wouldn’t have any kind of cosmetic surgery, even if I could afford it. There’s something inspiring about growing older authentically on your own terms and defying your age, which led me to exercising every day to slow down the clock successfully so far. I see men at the gym in their 40s, 50s, 60s, and beyond who’re in great shape and maximizing their potential, and that is so encouraging and energizing for me.

That said, I can’t believe that no one has offered me steroids in all the years that I’ve been lifting. I’m the same size that I was when I was 17–don’t I look like I could use some freakin’ steroids over here? (Note to self: Google where to buy the steroids).

Jeezus, I’m on a phone call for 90 minutes and the world goes to hell.

@¡Andrew!: With you on that completely. And while I’m far from the “my body’s a temple” crowd (liquor and rich foods are too enjoyable), I’ve also never pierced, dyed, or tattooed anything. Just don’t see the point in messing with it.

@nojo: What, just because two psychotic, fat man-babies may spaz out and blow up the planet this weekend?

@¡Andrew!: And then we’ll never see Last Jedi.