Donald Trump Has Not Said Anything Extraordinarily Awful In The Past Few Days, So Let’s Talk About Cats

This totally has no relationship to anything you might be reading in the news.

When you headline your article “Yes, You Can Train Your Cat”, you have our attention. Not because we’re seeking ways to train cats, and not that we dispute that it’s possible to undermine a cat’s very nature by treating it like a common dog, but that it’s an abomination against Creation itself to even consider the idea.

Not unlike Donald Trump’s abomination suggesting that the nice Black citizens of Pennsylvania may stuff ballot boxes, but that’s a pretty pro forma abomination coming from him, so we’ll ignore it.

You’ll understand that we fully expect to hate-read a cat-training article, ready to pounce on the first deviation from cat orthodoxy and deliver its bloody carcass as a gift to you, Our Adoring Reader, fully expecting your fulsome approval of our innate skill.

Just like we might hunt down Donald Trump’s variations on sarcasm and leave you to contemplate the mess of words we dump on your carpet, which could leave a stain of nuclear armageddon if you don’t clean it up quickly.

But much to our pleasant surprise, the article’s cat-training suggestions are quite reasonable, such as how to familiarize a cat with a carrier, avoiding a scene we’re all too familiar with, in which at the very sight of the container, a cat magically disappears into another dimension, never to be seen again.

Much like GOP electoral votes have been rapidly disappearing into the mysterious Blue Zone, a place where Donald Trump saying that American civilians should be tried by military courts seems not to produce the expected effect among his audience.

We’re happy to have brought you this brief distraction from the worrisome events of the day. Please come back next week for useful tips on delousing your relatives.

Yes, You Can Train Your Cat [WSJ]

nojo
1:45 pm • Saturday • August 13, 2016
comment »

9 Comments

Dodgerblue

11:05 pm • Saturday • August 13, 2016

hey nojo, i just finished this book called “the goddess of small victories” that is historical fiction about Kurt Godel and his wife, and circle of acquaintances including your boy Ludwig. I think you might like it.

nojo

12:42 am • Sunday • August 14, 2016

@Dodgerblue: Not sure I can handle historical fiction. Then again, I long ago gave up trying to plow through “Godel, Escher, Bach”.

blogenfreude

8:51 am • Sunday • August 14, 2016

Lord Vader is too busy watching Catwoman – he lost interest after about 10 minutes. I am not far behind …
https://www.instagram.com/p/BJD-qNuhQry/?taken-by=steve_reiness

10:56 pm • Sunday • August 14, 2016

@nojo: The author takes a big dump on Edward Teller, who was a guest lectuter at my freshmam chemistry class. I switched majors.

SanFranLefty

12:43 am • Tuesday • August 16, 2016

@nojo: Wait, you subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?

(When I clicked the linque, it told me I needed to be a subscriber).

2:18 am • Tuesday • August 16, 2016

@SanFranLefty: Oops. Got it from the Apple News app. Don’t know if that offers a paywall-free URL.

¡Andrew!

1:39 pm • Thursday • August 18, 2016

For connoisseurs of karma and schadenfreude, this is Christmas in August (if true):

Flood Destroys Home Of Hate Group Leader Who Claims God Sends Natural Disasters To Punish Gays

Tony Perkins, president of the Family Research Council, an organization labeled an anti-LGBT hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center, was left homeless by the destructive flooding that has ravaged southern Louisiana this week, killing 11 people and destroying an estimated 40,000 homes.

Perkins, who has claimed that God uses natural disasters such as hurricanes and flooding to punish people for sinning (in particular homosexuals and their supporters), had his own home destroyed by the Lord Almighty. The hate group leader says he was forced to escape his destroyed home by canoe.

http://www.thegailygrind.com/2016/08/17/flood-destroys-home-of-hate-group-leader-who-claims-god-sends-natural-disasters-to-punish-gays/#sthash.tOd2IFfP.dpuf

9:48 pm • Thursday • August 18, 2016

@¡Andrew!: Guardian stories we never finished reading:

It’s tempting to react with glee to the flooding of this prominent Christian conservative’s Louisiana home. But that would be to lower ourselves to his level

Consider myself lowered.

12:40 pm • Friday • August 19, 2016

@nojo: Taking the high road only makes it easier for amoral lowlifes to punch you in the nutz.

Donald Trump Has Not Said Anything Extraordinarily Awful In The Past Few Days, So Let’s Talk About Cats

Yes, You Can Train Your Cat [WSJ]

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