Alan Hale, a Republican representative for The Great State of Montana, says that DUI laws are “destroying a way of life”. Alan Hale also happens to own the Silver Saddle Bar and Café in The Great Census-Designated Place of Basin. And we suspect that Alan Hale was enjoying a delicious glass of his own product when he wrote his campaign statement.

But never mind all that. As you can see from the video, Alan Hale rocks a bitchin’ beard and Gambler Tie. Alan Hale makes us proud, if just a wee bit frightened, to be American.

Bar-Owning GOP Montana State Representative Says Stricter DUI Laws Are ‘Destroying A Way Of Life’ [ThinkProgress]

Because today’s news out of Afghanistan is too fucking depressing for words, here’s a preview of Ikea’s newest piece of furniture…HUNDSTOL.

“The Comic Sans® typeface, one of Microsoft’s most popular designs, has received a makeover courtesy of Monotype Imaging. Today the company has introduced the four-font Comic Sans Pro family of typefaces.” [BusinessWire]

(Or you can just visit Google today and search for “Helvetica”.)

It’s not like we’re looking for this stuff, but once you become aware of it, it’s unavoidable:

A $600,000 frog sculpture that lights up, gurgles “sounds of nature” and carries a 10-foot fairy girl on its back could soon be greeting Defense Department employees who plan to start working at the $700 million Mark Center in Alexandria, Va. this fall. That is unless a new controversy over the price tag of the public art doesn’t torpedo the idea.

We understand that this could become debilitating over time, and we plan on entering a twelve-hop progr— no, no, no, no, no!

Pentagon Art: $600,000 Gurgling Toad Sculpture [US News]

We’re very late to this one — we caught the echo, not the original event — but if we didn’t formally document the existence of Penis Gummies, we would just feel bad about ourself.

Oh. Bubba and Talibunny. Right. Well, Penis Gummies are in the news because Katie and Suri sampled them at Serendipity 3, a swanky Manhattan joint that features a $25,000 edible-gold sundae. And, looking at its photo page, it seems the proprietor likes to pose with fashionable politicos.

So there.

No, you’re right, we’re not being totally honest with you. The photos are legit, but the real reason we’re bothering to include Bubba and Talibunny is that we’re too chickenshit to run a product shot of Penis Gummies all by themselves. We have to wake up to this site too, y’know.

Katie Holmes “Horrified” by Suri Penis Gummies Incident [Us]

Good:

The Tea Party swept into the 112th Congress with promises of cutting government spending. But according to a report out today, at least five lawmakers with Tea Party connections have been longtime recipients of federal agricultural subsidies.

Better:

The biggest recipient was Rep. Stephen Fincher, a Republican from Frog Jump, Tenn.

Best:

Read more »

“It’s not like I used slang,” said [Florida state rep Scott] Randolph, who actually got the line from his wife. He said Republicans voiced concern about young pages hearing the word uterus.

Florida pages must be at least 12 years old.

[St. Petersburg Times]