Puppehz! And Fake Swedes!

Because today’s news out of Afghanistan is too fucking depressing for words, here’s a preview of Ikea’s newest piece of furniture…HUNDSTOL.


The cat, on the other hand, just jumps on the table and tells you to go fuck yourself.

@nojo: My cat does, then throws up on my pillow.

And the sidebar ad is directing me to the Turtle Shack so I can buy a pet turtle. For realz.

The pug pup is entrancing. The boxery dog dotes on her. The dachshund sits on chairs and barks if she comes near. I emailed the Jones man in FL to express my thoughts re his culpability on the murders in Kabul.

@blogenfreude: My cat peed on the bed right beside me last night because I was ignoring him while I was on the computer. I think I’m in an abusive relationship.

Also, I just keep getting earthquake survival kit ads. It’s making me paranoid.

@Mistress Cynica:
one of my cats, the girl, keeps taking a crap in HIS sink. good kitty!

i walked around a mall in miami and saw dozens of fluffy’s riding around in strollers and i said nothing.
i went to an outside cafe and saw a poodle dyed pink and i said nothing.
now i must speak out….

ikea, you plywood idiots, you have a lab in that high chair. you don’t have a vet overseeing your pet line? here’s the deal: a big dog eating in that chair will die in about a week from a condition called “bloat.” big dogs need to eat in raised feeders, and this defeats the purpose. and a small dog in that chair is simply a ridiculous way to feed it, having the poor thing struggle for a bite. the thing i really enjoy about ikea is jumping in the balls.

What a pile of shite. Have they ever met a dog? Dogs are not pretend infants. They are dogs, fuckwåds. Hïnt: unlike poodles, labradors do not exist in the wild. And doggies do not all wag their fucking tails and romp and frølic when they get together. This is the dumbest thing I’ve seen since Agnes de Mille claimed that man is the only animal that dances. Tell that to Bruno who has taught the puppy how to do the Happy Biscuit Dance.

Fuck you, Ikea. And comb your fucking hair, you big girl’s blouse.

PS. I am beside myself about the news from Kabul. I’m so glad I decided not to run for president because I’m not at all sure I’d be able to cope.

@Benedick honey badger doesn’t care.:
yes, darling, i am also beside myself because i haven’t had a cigarette since way back in march 31st. 2011, at midnight.
i’m not coping.
i think you would make a fine prez and you have my vote. the trick to being a good politician, is to not cope. as in not really give a shit.

wait…are we the only people that really care?
and, more importantly, does this mean i can smoke?

@JNOV: Fine. Make me look like a fool. What you don’t know is I look like a fool most of the time so the joke’s on me. You. Baked. Whatever. One thing I do know is that my dogs do not need a high chair. Even if it’s an imaginary one. So fuck you, Ikea. And fuck the fucking Guardian, too, speaking of supercilious Limey assholes.

@baked: Darling, don’t smoke. Put it down. You don’t need it. Smoking makes your ass look fat. That’s a well known fact. Why do you never listen to your mother?

@Benedick honey badger doesn’t care.: As Snorri would say, “Ég elska þig og pendulous rúminu þínu.”

Not shown in the ad: dog leaping out of the chair, upending it, sending food and water flying.

Also, too, how do you get the dog into the chair?

@nojo: I think I kinda qualify just in general.

Oh, and Benedick á náranum risa: The wikipedia entry for Princess Anne — she doesn’t have children; she has issue(s). ADD: I believe it’s pronounced, “issss-syooo.”

Okay, the Royals are a bunch of inbred fucks. Anne used to date Camilla’s ex-husband? No wonder they have so many titles and letters of patent with which to confer said titles for obfuscation of the masses who don’t give a shit about them. Freaks.

ZOMG! As the previous owner of a shitty Ford Escort (GT!), I would never try to pull off a kidnapping attempt with such a shit car.


As Princess Anne and Mark Phillips were returning to Buckingham Palace on 20 March 1974, from a charity event on Pall Mall, their Princess IV limousine was forced to stop by a Ford Escort.[8] The driver of the Escort, Ian Ball, jumped out and began firing a gun. Inspector James Beaton, the Princess’s personal police officer, responded by exiting the limousine in order to shield the Princess and try to disarm Ball. Beaton’s firearm, a Walther PPK, jammed, and he was shot by the assailant, as was Anne’s chauffeur, Alex Callender, when he tried to disarm Ball.[9] Brian McConnell, a nearby tabloid journalist, also intervened, and was shot in the chest. Ball approached the Austin Princess and told Anne of his kidnapping plan, which was to hold the Princess for ransom, the sum given by varying sources as £2 million[10] or £3 million, which he intended to give to the National Health Service.[8] Ball then directed Anne to get out of the car, to which she replied: “Not bloody likely!”, and briefly considered hitting Ball.[11] Eventually, she dived out the other side of the limousine and another passing pedestrian, Ron Russell, punched Ball in the back of the head and then led Anne away from the scene. At that point, Police Constable Michael Hills happened upon the situation; he too was shot by Ball, but not before he called for police backup. Detective Constable Peter Edmonds, who had been nearby, answered and gave chase, finally arresting Ball.[9]

ADD: Okay. Anne is pretty kickass.

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