“Our campaign would be — helped immensely if we had an agreement between both campaigns that we were only going to talk about issues and that attacks based upon — business or family or taxes or things of that nature.”

—Mitt Romney, heroically attempting to find a sentence and conveniently forgetting all his race-baiting talk about Obama being “foreign”.

[NBC, via TPM]

RNC Chairman Reince Priebus, this morning:

“I have been from the very moment very clear as far as where I stand on [birthers]. It’s just as much of a distraction as it is for people to ask for more and more tax returns and all of these other issues.”

Insanely wealthy Mitt backer Jon Huntsman Sr., this afternoon:

“I feel very badly that Mitt won’t release his taxes and won’t be fair with the American people.”

Well, then! Glad that’s settled!

When we were a kid, Disaster Preparedness entailed freaking out over fires, floods, and nukes. (Or earthquakes, tornadoes, and hurricanes, depending on what form of God’s Wrath your sinful region could be expected to suffer.)

What it didn’t entail was our local municipality using part of a Homeland Security grant to demonstrate how to survive an idiot with an assault weapon.

You might ask whether the money would be better spent keeping assault weapons out of the hands of idiots in the first place. And if you do, why do you hate America?

Ready Houston? [City of Houston, via Know Your Meme]

It took a day, but we think we have it down: Demrats posted a nasty ad about Mitt, a Mittbot defended his honor on Fox, but in defending Mitt’s honor the Mittbot said something nice about Romneycare, and then Ann Coulter’s head asploded.

Or, if you’d like, you can stick to Ann Coulter’s Head Asploded and forget the rest. By now, everybody else has.

Coulter Explodes At Romney Spokeswoman For Response To Priorities USA Ad: She Needs To Be Fired [Mediaite]

[NY Post]

“Oh, that was a moment of humor as we had just done what we thought was impossible. We had raised $37 million from other people and institutions who entrusted us with their funds, and we thought it was a miracle that our group had been able to be so successful in fundraising.”

—Mitt Romney, explaining how stuffing your suits and mouths with dollars is an innocently jolly way to commemorate a financial achievement.

[via Businessweek]

“Police in China’s Zhejiang province were searching for a man’s penis after he reported that it had been stolen while he was sleeping. ‘I was so shocked I didn’t feel a thing,’ said the man.” [Harper’s, via @JC_Christian]