Always Punch a Bully in the Face

“Our campaign would be — helped immensely if we had an agreement between both campaigns that we were only going to talk about issues and that attacks based upon — business or family or taxes or things of that nature.”

—Mitt Romney, heroically attempting to find a sentence and conveniently forgetting all his race-baiting talk about Obama being “foreign”.

[NBC, via TPM]

Aw poor Mittens. What kind of GOPer are you? Being out “bullied” by a Demrat! You wussy.

Yup although I was nastier. I hit first and usually below the belt. When you’re a scrawny armed short Asian kid up against people who have 10-20 pounds on you, you don’t fight fair.

Pro tip: A face punch is a quick way to get your fingers broken.

A lateral chop to the neck or–even better–a direct strike to the sternum (they call it the “off switch”) will take down virtually any attacker.

(Not that I have any Hate-Fil-A-induced revenge fantasies or anything.)

@ManchuCandidate: @¡Andrew!: Good to know. Since I only attempted to beat up one person in my life — in fifth grade — I lack Authority in the matter.

@nojo: I really miss Hapkido–it’s one helluva body and mind-bending workout. I had to give it up due to time contraints when I started grad school, but I’m going back for more after graduation.

Of course the Rmoney campaign would be helped if the Obama campaign were not permitted to mention Bain or his sons’ non-service service, his wife’s tax-deductible ride or whether and how much he’s paid in taxes, “or things of that nature.”

It would also be helped if no one mentioned the 2002 Olympics, his time as governor of Massachusetts, Romneycare, his one-time pro-choice position, “or things of that nature.”

Unfortunately for Rmoney, that’s part of running for president. If he is unwilling to allow voters to evaluate who he is, what he’s done and what he plans to do if elected, he should quit now while he’s ahead down by 9.

@ManchuCandidate: There’s nothing like a kick in the balls to get a guy’s attention.

@karen marie still has her eyes tight shut: While you’re there, don’t forget “Gayer than Teddy Kennedy”.

Tj/ whoa. It’s beer o’clock in freemont. Two Aussies in my hostel room. I’m never gonna leave

BTW, I dunno if it’s this post or the Rinsed Prius reference in the last one – but it’s got Teh Googlez that run the sidebar ad terrible confused:

One *seriously* dominionist-flavored ad for Liberty University Online, because apparently there’s just too many suckersfaithful to fit in one place.

Mr. SFL tells me that Mittens Rmoney is going to announce his Veep choice tomorrow. Where’s the betting pool?

a) Paul Ryan
b) Marco Rubio
c) Bobby Jindal
d) Nikki Haley
e) Susana Martinez
f) some random white dude from the Midwest who isn’t Paul Ryan
g) Sarah Plain and Dumb
h) Condi (Pro Choice and “Co-Owner/Housemate in Palo Alto of Another Childless Woman”) Rice
i) Ricky Santorum
j) Newticle “Shoot Me to the Moon” Gingrich
k) some random white dude from the South who isn’t as fat as Haley Barbour or Mike Huckabee
l) Michele “Crazeee-Eyes” Bachman (oh please, sweet FSM, oh please)
m) Lindsey “I’m not ghey even though I have a girl’s name and want to slap Anderson Cooper with my white gloves” Graham
n) WALNUTS!!! (I wish)
o) Jeb Bush
p) George P. Bush (one of Jeb’s “brown ones”)
q) Q is for Queer – Larry Wide Stance Craig
r) R is for Ricky All Hair and No Cattle Perry
s) Herman Cain, buy his pizza, MOTHERFUCKAAHS!
t) John Boehner – between his orange skin and Mitten’s Reagan-esque dyed brown hair, I think they could make half the country stroke out during debates
u) Netanyahu (ha ha -just checking to see if all y’all are still with me)
v) Darrell Issa – Air Force One and the Presidential limo will never be carjacked
w) W (too obvious? too soon?)
(xx) x) Jenna Jamison
y) Rupert Murdoch
z) Jan Brewer (only in the dreams of our AriZona correspondents)

…don’t make me go down the aa), ab), ac), etc. line kids. Is it a little too obvious that I’ve spent way too much time in the past couple weeks stuck in document production hell?

@JNOV: Be careful, slugger.

@¡Andrew!: Extended fingers jabbed in the eyeball, a cupped hand to the ear, and chop to the throat was what I was taught as a youngster in karate class as the best way to keep assholes away.

Like I said, JNOV, ten cuidado.

@SanFranLefty: Survey/HuffPo says it’s behind Door Number (a), Paul Ryan.

Jesus that douchebag looks frighteningly like a repressed Republican white boy from Missouri I dated/fucked in college.

@SanFranLefty: Will Ryan help Romney? Oh god I see my future I’ll be living under a bridge with a dirty blanket.
Oh, and we learn today Texas ranks number one in Mercury emissions.
thus explaining why we have so many crazies here.

@texrednface: I’ve hung out underneath an overpass on I-35 a few times during tornado alerts.

Can you tell that stray dog to spoon between us?


If Mittens chooses Ryan, Demrats will be breaking out the champagne early.

Oh, and we’ll need a nickname.

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