Trivia Questions From the Future

So Mitt’s announcing Ryan as veep on a Saturday morning during the Olympics. That Romneycare gaffe must have been even worse than it sounded.

So it’s Sara Palin all over gain, then?

My suspicion is that Romboto has succeeded where no GOPer candidate in recent memory has succeeded. His gaffes have killed the enthusiasm of the GOPer’s base of flagging flabby angry mostly white olds who are too stupid to realize they’re on gubbiment dole and furious that a lot of “lessor” non white people will get the same “privileges” they get.

@Serolf Divad:
At least Sarah was attractive enough to justify of a series of pornos. Ryan’s creepy stalker face wouldn’t spawn pornos unless the gay XXX industry has some weirdo hang up with guys who look like hound dogs with hemorrhoids.

If you’re looking for a nickname, how about the undertaker?

Right now Romney is running campaign commercials accusing Obama of declaring war on religion by requiring that health plans cover contraceptive coverage for women. Now he taps as his VP choice the guy who wants to replace Medicare with a gift certificate to help you buy your own insurance.

The only thing I can conclude from this is that not only is Mitt in trouble, nationally, he’s so unloved by the GOP base that he’s willing to sacrifice moderate, middle-of-the-road voters in an effort to shore up his own constituency.

I’m feeling much more confident of Obama’s re-election chances today, I must confess.

@Serolf Divad:
Yup.

Also, he’s on his hands and knees praying for all those voter suppression schemes to work.

I am humbled to see democracy in action and to be part of this great nation. Tomorrow can only be brighter and better than today. Let us keep our feet on the ground while we raise our eyes to the stars. Where others follow we can only lead. Together we can restore the nation’s honor and get rid of the nigger socialist in the WHITE house. It’s mourning in America.

So Romney decided not to go with Tagg and got the next best thing.

@ManchuCandidate:

Just to add to this: it’s August, and I have yet to see a single car here in Maryland sporting a Mitt Romney bumper sticker. Not a single one. I’ve seen several Obama 2012 stickers (and I’ve got one coming myself) though not as many as 2008, but still… not one single, solitary Romney 2012 sticker.

Now, I suspect after this, I might start seeing a few, but it wouldn’t surprise me to see a mischievous “Ryan/Romney” sticker either.

@Serolf Divad: Especially the Coddled Wingnut part. For all his blogosphere fame, Ryan’s never been on the national stage, and he doesn’t even have the statewide campaign experience of a governor or senator.

We’re gonna need more popcorn.

@Serolf Divad: Mind you I live within the I-285 perimeter highway in Atlanta, the red/blue dividing line (I’m in the commie ghey black socialist center), but even outside in red, real US-American Georgia I see very, very few Romney stickers. I see a lot of anti-Obama and “Who is John Galt?” stickers, but not Rmoney.

Personally, I’d rather see stickers for Mittens than those goddamned stick figure family things.

Also, add this to your racist dog-whistle dictionary: “Obama voter” down here has now become a nickname for those uppity n-words.

Now that Ryan’s been strapped to the top of the campaign bus, how long before he shits all over the place?

/snark off/

Neither of these men has any ability to feel compassion, sympathy, empathy, or even pity. They’re totally remorseless and would ruin countless millions of lives without a second thought. It’s a Reich-wing dream ticket straight from hell.

(shudder)

@nojo: Tagg’s standing by to hose him off as he just did with Pawlenty.

Enter Sportin’ Life singing:

I got Pawlenty of nuttin’
And Pawlenty’s nuttin by me… etc.

You’re welcome.

At least now they’ve got a shot at the African American and Latino vote.

Mittens never really had a chance, really. They’re so insulated in their own little created reality that they really do think the rest of the nation shares their selfish, xenophobic vision of America. I was thinking maybe Chris Christie, extra 200 pounds and all, but this pick would confirm it: They’ve become such fanatic ideologues that they’ve now forgotten that moderate appeal wins elections in the United States, not partisan viciousness.

Only downside for us? Ryan no longer breathing down Boehner’s neck. That and that the other Congressional Republican candidates can now triangulate to the middle.

@¡Andrew!: It would be the final blow to American democracy if it did somehow happen. Hello Oligarchic Falangism! Don’t cry for me, Salt Lake City! The truth is I always ruled you…

@Benedick: Us there a conjugate to this back in the land of bangers and mash? Will they have a similar season of madness?

@nojo: Still trying to come up with a nickname, but the pesky nausea just won’t subside.

@Serolf Divad: This morning I feel like the only way Obama won’t win is if we have 2000 Florida shenanigans with Deibold in Pennsylvania and widespread voter repression in Florida and Ohio.

Seriously, how does this help Rmoney? Now all the old crusty white people are going to have to decide if their fear of Ryan dismantling their Social Security and Medicare outweighs their fear of the black man.

@¡Andrew!: Ha! Rubio or Martinez as a Veep would have made me nervous that Rmoney could shave off some of the conservative Latino vote. But since Ryan is one of those politicians who refers to undocumented people with the pejorative “those illegals” this should help Obama in New Mexico and Nevada.

@SanFranLefty: That’s my point: they don’t get it. It’s one big ourobourous of talking point and super-PAC money at this point.

@SanFranLefty: Okay. So I was kinda wrong.

TJ/ It is so weird to see the time stamps here in a different time zone than I’m in.

Er. Ugh. Ow.

@SanFranLefty: It comes down to the GOP voter-suppression efforts. But that was already the case.

They need to immediately dig up every stupid thing this guy has said (and there’s lots of that) and attack. Check him out thoroughly – corrupt? And Medicare, Medicare, Medicare.

@Tommmcatt May Just Have Some MJ In His System As Well, So What?: Chris Hayes, or some wonk like him, suggests that this nationalizes the Ryan budget — meaning all downballot Repugs will be scrambling, and all downballot Demrats won’t let them hide.

Too early to call, but Demrats taking back the House is now conceivable. The Senate was already 50+Biden, might swing to low 50s.

Now, if The Incredible Harry would just kill the filibuster in January…

@blogenfreude: The sure way to blunt charges of Medicare cuts is to cite Romneyca— Oops.

@¡Andrew!: Eddie Munster seems to be winning the popular vote elsewhere, with Eddie Haskell moving up in the standings. Both make sense, but neither really sparks.

@blogenfreude:

Seriously, the clouds have parted, the hand of God reached down and handed the Democrats an unbelievable gift. They need to make the most of it.

Paul Ryan is the guy who wants to cut taxes for the rich, then fill the resulting fiscal chasm by scrapping Medicare. How do you think that will play in Peoria?

The only danger in attacking Ryan is that you don’t want the guy drawing too much fire away from the headliner… remember, that guy whose very first advertisement for the general campaign consisted in a promise to cut his own taxes? The guy who paid less than 14% in taxes for the one year he’s released and may well have not paid anything for the previous 10?

It’s Christmas in August, truly.

@nojo: And there’s the meme: If these guys win it will be hard on the beaver…

@nojo: Gawker calls him “the Granny Starver,” and I’m getting more than a little bit of a college date-rapist, serial killah vibe.

I must be the only person who thinks this could be dangerous for Obama. The Teabaggers lurve Ryan and will now turn out for Mitt (if, FSM forbid, they do win, Mitt will be in greater danger of assassination than Obama ever was). I believe most of the old white people who are being hand fed what Fox wants them to believe won’t get that Ryan wants to take away Medicare. That nice white boy wouldn’t do such a thing. That Kenyan Muslim, now…
Sorry, I have no trust in the rational thinking skills of the average voter OR in the Dems ability not to blow this by coming off as condescending or patronizing to the voters who would truly be hurt by Ryan’s policies.

Starving Private Ryan?

Ryan’s Mope?

@Mistress Cynica: Michael Savage, via WND:

“This is the end of the Romney campaign,” says Michael Savage. “As good a man as he is, Ryan will be portrayed by the Marxists as another rich white male who wants to ruin the environment, destroy Medicaid and Social Security and give tax breaks to the very rich. It’s all over.

“The Romney schmucks are so out of touch with reality they do not see how they are being portrayed and perceived both by the servile press and the ignorant masses,” the radio host states on his website. “The Romney insiders detest conservatives and are trying to appease this core base with Ryan. Too little, too late.”

Also, all the Fox in the world hasn’t helped Mitt so far. You’re right about Demrats in general, but the Obama campaign seems to know its shit.

@Tommmcatt May Just Have Some MJ In His System As Well, So What?: Never. Going. To. Happen. The congressional teatards just got themselves promoted.

@Mistress Cynica: Also, don’t make me break out Yoda Pez. Because I can’t find where he’s hiding.

@nojo: I want a Yoda Pez … onward to Amazon!

@nojo: Harry Reid would only kill the filibuster if he were certain that the Democrats would lose in the next cycle. He’s cute that way.

Just one word of caution: he did work as a personal trainer. Do we have any shirtless pictures? Perhaps involving spandex? Because I could be persuaded to swing.

@Tommmcatt May Just Have Some MJ In His System As Well, So What?: Welcome to the world of inherited wealth or, as it’s known, the Upper Classes. Romney is a perfect exemplar of old-fashioned Tory minor aristocracy. They are just as clueless, as offensive, as vulgar, and as destructive. They imagine they have charm and breeding but all they’re really capable of is imitating PG Wodehouse, a writer I loathe for obvious reasons. Romey is Downton Abbey minus the costumes and the inexplicably hot Turkish diplomat.

Banks in the UK are less regulated than here which is why the LIBOR scandal began there. There is more credit card debt. A higher unemployment rate – in some places we’re talking a third generation that has no work. London is fabulously expensive. As I think I noted some time back, the only item in the shops that struck me as being reasonable was champagne. Rents are higher, wages (apart from banksters) are lower, taxes are higher, the price of property in London is staggering. What they do have are: the NHS, minimal college debt even for Oxbridge, Harrods, and no screaming fundies invading Parliament. In my opinion that’s what made the mischief here: when the Republican party, realizing it had no other alternative, turned itself into the party of God.

In other news, after 8 months of work I think I have the final scene. Our dying dog is having an Indian Summer. I bought three crabapple trees and a Prius.

@Benedick: Ryan’s a fan of some exercise fad called “P90X”, but a quick Google turns up nothing, and I don’t dare Deep Google. Maybe he’s inside that Aaron Schock mag.

And why would Ryan sign on with the bucket of yesterday’s piss that is Romney? To begin his run for 2016.

Might take the rest of the day, but somewhere out there is a “Young Guns” gag to be made without stepping in dogshit.

Re: Nickname, I believe Manchu suggested “The Undertaker” on another thread, and so far that’s been the most fitting one.

@SanFranLefty: Problem is, I keep thinking of Boehner as an undertaker. Using that for Ryan would confuse the shit out of me.

Hmmm…

Aynette? Nah. But that’s the territory.

Elsewhere in the Twitterverse: “Thurston Howell and Gilligan”. Not bad. Although I feel an Adam West/Burt Ward thing happening.

@¡Andrew!: Nah, the Federalist Society guys were too scared to talk to girls, I’m getting the wetsuit and dildo up the ass vibe.

Okay, finally watched The Speech…

Paul Ryan is not an inspiring speaker. Paul Ryan has no sense of gravitas. Paul Ryan sounds like a college Republican — Smithers to Romney’s Burns.

Sarah Palin was to be feared at first, because she was dangerous — dangerous if she caught on. She clearly knew how to rock a crowd, as her convention speech demonstrated. Her entire national reputation is built on that Wednesday evening.

Ryan? I don’t see it, I don’t hear it. I’ll cut him some slack — he seemed to be reading castoff Mitt boilerplate — and maybe he’ll find his footing in coming days. But if, like most Americans, you’ve never actually heard him before (never mind heard of him), it’s not an auspicious debut.

@nojo: Mr. SFL and I were discussing today that the Vice Presidential debates are going to be even more entertaining than they were in 2008. Cannot wait to watch Plugz go up against him, as Biden won’t have to hold himself in check like he had to with Sarah Plain and Dumb so he wouldn’t be accused of being sexist.

Oh, and if he’s such an Ayn Rand groupie, what does he think about her pro-choice and atheist views, given he has repeatedly said he opposes abortion in all cases and supports legislation that would outlaw certain forms of birth control?

@SanFranLefty: He swore off Rand a couple years ago — coincidentally, just as teabaggers started paying attention to him. Funny how that works.

@nojo: I like Smithers for the nickname. It’s fun to say in a Monty Burns voice.

@SanFranLefty: Plugz will have to do his homework — Ryan’s reputation is as a wonk, so you need to back up any generalizations. (Ryan-Bubba would be fun.)

At the very least, major contrast in style. I’m not sure how that plays to a real audience, as opposed to debate-scorers.

@Mistress Cynica: Yeah, soon as I wrote that, something clicked. But nominations remain open.

@nojo: If his experience as Wiener Mobile Driver could somehow be incorporated in the effort to find a nick name you would have gold.

@Mistress Cynica: Did anyone hear Mitt introduce him today as the “next President of the United States?” Self fulfilling prophecy?

@nojo:

Yup, and claimed he’s now a follower of Thomas Aquinas.

Really, you can’t make this shit up.

Pretty much proves the base has absolutely zero convictions, too. His bullshit is too transparent to fool anyone.

Ryan looks like an Embalmer, the guy at the funeral parlor without the wit and personality of a funeral director who prepared the damned for the final trip to hell.

It’s days like today that make me glad I’m leaving on a study abroad trip in a few weeks. Thank the FSM, I’m going somewhere with less political and economic chaos… Spain and Italy.*

*Well, at least I won’t be able to understand most of it.

“Smithers” works perfectly, though Krugman has adopted “Privatizing Ryan,” which certainly is appropriate. He’s like a giant, wind-up Ken Doll that just says “tax cuts for the rich” over and over and over again.

@nojo: I thought it was more recent than that.

I like ZEGS for a nickname for Ryan — zombie-eyed granny starver. Pretty well sums it up.

@nojo: Agreed, Plugz should come prepared, but ZEGS’s reputation is relative to his peers. Pretty low bar.

@karen marie still has her eyes tight shut: Ha!

@¡Andrew!: I keep checking back to determine when ZEGS starts having a google problem.

We get 469,000 results now for “zombie eyed granny starver.” Ha!

@FlyingChainSaw: The Embalmer! Where the hell have you been, Chainsaw?

@¡Andrew!: Pass me a note in the back of class and I’ll give you some tips on things to do/see/eat in Italy and Espana.

@nojo: I’ve got Paulturd (I know, derivative) and Prion (out of date and obscure).

I’d probably vote for Smithers.

@karen marie still has her eyes tight shut: ZEGS’s reputation is relative to his peers

And now I’m reminded of the Grand Reputation that preceded Deranger Rick.

So, back to my original thought: Paul Ryan is utterly untested as a National Politician. He’s never played to this stage — just his home district, DC, and Wingnut Media. Maybe he’s adept and will learn, but based on what I saw yesterday, he doesn’t seem to have any natural gifts.

But first, we have to get past Media Honeymoon Week. Those with weak constitutions are advised to look away.

And regarding this crap I’m reading about Ryan being a Man of Conviction: The hammer is unaware of the hand that wields it.

@nojo: I’m already dreading Monday’s David Brooks column Paul Ryan cocksucking.

@nojo: We need to know if he’s boxers or briefs. I’m imagining a locker-room scene after Mitt gets back from his run and is all sweaty and such as (remember that ad?) and Paul, who’s kinda pumped after blasting iron, admires his magic undies and Mitt clues him in on the breathability and all-around comfort of temple garments. I think it could either make a dynamite ad or a gay pron for Stallion Men VOD. Whatever that means. (I hear that porn is available on the internet. Can this be true?)

It’s the Daddy Ticket. When those two are stumping in Iowa and are compelled through all kinds of comical plot twists (y’alls have seen a Meg Ryan movie, right?) to share a room at the Marriot and Paul suggests they split a six-pack… I’m beginning to sense the need for a site dedicated to the exploration of Pauly and Big Daddy. A blogger blog with updates about their erotic adventures on the campaign trail. How they keep it secret from their aides – shouldn’t be too hard given the general cluelessness that seems to abound. Peggy Noonan could get involved. And Lindsey Grahame. How they dabble in kink in NYC. Big Daddy gets Pauly to call him Sir and smacks his bum…

Is it hot in here or is it just me? I should maybe go open a window.

Just throwing it out there… could such a blogger blog be done anonymously? And what might it be called?

Big Daddy and Pauly

The Daddy Boys

Team Mitt

Or, just throwing it out there, could it be done as if it were Ryan’s late night journal? After he calls his wife he records all the wonderful things that have happened on the campaign trail. (Trail of Queers?)

It has to be balanced between hate and ribaldry. As y’alls might have sensed, one has finished one’s work and is feeling frisky.

Mittens and Son

Notorious (OK, that’s just cuz that’s the best title for anything ever)

Spank Me Daddy – OK that’s more a Peggy Noonan/Bill Kristol site.

@Benedick: “Is it hot in here or is it just me? I should maybe go open a window.”

Or think about Johnny Earle from the Mill.

What?

“Should we spit or swallow?” will be the only question the traditional media will ask Ryand over the next few weeks.

@nojo: Strychnayn?

@mellbell: If that’s not a Marvel Villain, it should be.

I’m in favor of Smithers. It has the right pop culture twist. Plays on the name are amusing, but unless they also incorporate some other element, they’re merely clever. With a Smithers, we can really get into the sycophantic relationship, and there will be no end of images available for blog posts.

@IanJ: That’s what I’m thinking. We’re dealing in caricature, and caricature should resonate — it should express some underlying truth beneath the amusement.

In this case, I think Smithers captures a truth about Paul Ryan that I’m not seeing expressed elsewhere. It also turns what’s being pitched as conventional political wisdom on its head.

But I’m, um, getting ahead of myself.