Our guest colloquists are Baba Wawa and a comically overweight governor.

Walters: There are people who say that you couldn’t be president because you’re so heavy. What do you say to that?

Christie: That’s ridiculous, I mean, that’s ridiculous. I mean I don’t know what the basis for that is.

Walters: I think they’re worried about your health.

Christie: Well, I’ve done this job pretty well and I think people watched me for the last couple weeks and during Hurricane Sandy doing 18-hour days and getting right back up the next day and still being just as effective so I don’t really think that would be a problem.

Please note that while The Management is not above Inappropriate Shits & Giggles over Body Issues, The Management also thinks that Waddles was by far the most effective speaker at the Republican Convention. Mock him at your risk.

Barbara Walters Asks Chris Christie If He’s Too Fat To Be President [BuzzFeed, via Political Wire]

“If we cannot have moral feelings against homosexuality, can we have it against murder? Can we have it against other things?” —Antonin Scalia, reminding America which way he would have voted on Dred Scott. [The Hill]

We don’t know Jack Stuef. But after reading The Oatmeal’s Epic Fisking of his BuzzFeed article about the cartoonist, we feel like we know way too much about him.

And it’s very, very ugly.

If you know Jack Stuef at all, it’s likely from his stint at Wonkette, which we missed, because our strike is almost five years old. And if the name still doesn’t ring a bell, think about the Blingee calling Trig a retard.

Yeah, him.

So Jack’s moved on, but not to a better place. His BuzzFeed article, framed as a hard-hitting exposé of a comedic fraud, can easily be boiled down to a simple thought:

That asshole got away with it and I didn’t.

Read more »

No, not the T. Rex or Triceratops in the background, and not the Palaeosaniwa chasing after the baby Edmontosauruses. The aqua critter, lower left:

The small, insect-eating lizard was discovered in the badlands of northeastern Montana — its fossil preserved in an area called the Hell Creek formation. Less than a foot long, it had elaborate teeth with three cusps on each tooth and a slender jaw. Some 65 million years ago, it went extinct. And now, it is named for the 44th president of the United States: Obamadon gracilis.

That’ll lock up the critical eight-year-old boy demographic. And really, it beats a fucking puny fish.

Yale scientists name Obamadon, a slender-jawed lizard, after the President [Boston.com, via TPM]

We hate Life at 40.

No, we haven’t seen it. And really, we’re sure it makes a fine evening’s entertainment.

We just hate the idea of it.

Because we’re not 40. We’re 53.

There’s nothing wrong about being 53, mind you. We’re just getting into the groove of the whole Fifties Thing, just like we do around this time every decade. First there’s the novelty, and then the novelty wears off, and then you realize there’s no going back, and then you settle in. Just like clockwork. Or grief.

And it doesn’t hurt that we’re starting to drag Barack Obama and Jon Stewart along with us. Enjoy those AARP solicitations, gang!

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Our guest columnist failed grade-school reading comprehension.

Date: December 9, 2012 10:36 PM
To: god@www.stinque.com
Subject: Inquiry Regarding A Resource For Students

Hi there,

I happened upon your collection of college and career web resources for prospective students here https://www.stinque.com/2012/03/22/boy-in-the-hoodie and thought you might be interested in another authoritative online resource to add to those.

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Monkey caught after running loose in Toronto Ikea store . Not known how monkey, clad in shearling coat, got in #ikea

— CBC News Alerts (@CBCAlerts) December 9, 2012

First Bad Santa, now this. But hey, it’s an easy way to start the week for Stephen Colbert’s writers.