We take a fancy to this one, because, well, Oregon, particularly southern Oregon, land of hardy crackpots and survivalists. If, like us, you’re from hippieville Eugene, anything south is another country.
So, Central Point dude, father of four, calls the NORAD Santa hotline—
Wait, NORAD has a Santa hotline?
First we were gonna write about the Department of Justice pulling out of negotiations to compensate migrant families torn apart by one of our more recent crimes against humanity, and then it was gonna be how Omicron shows the ignorant assholes are winning, and then Manchin comes clean about destroying any hope that remains for doing something about anything, and y’know, fuck it. Just, fuck it. We’re all survivalists now.
Filed for future historians, should they exist, whatever the species.
It all started when someone — we don’t know who, perhaps we should, but Internet celebrities come and go so fast these dying days of the Human Era — posted a comparison between Nancy Reagan and Madonna, holding up the former as a role model, and the latter as someone who copped some moves from Robert Mapplethorpe.
No, wait, that’s us. Madonna published a coffee-table book called Sex that was a succès de scandale, the scandal being that there wasn’t much sex in it. Robert Mapplethorpe went for it, sometimes with a bullwhip.
“All life ends in death”, the Facebook Stranger wrote. “Why live in fear until that time.”
He wrote that in service of the 787,000 Americans who have already died before their time. He wrote that citing a potential five million Americans dead of covid.
Hey, shit happens, y’know.
GEORGE: I quit!
PAUL: You can’t quit, you’re fired!
GEORGE: You can’t fire me, I quit!
JOHN: I might quit, too.
RINGO: I’m just waiting to be replaced by Pete Best.
We don’t know what there is to say that hasn’t been said, that we haven’t said before, and more than once. The verdict came down Friday, and it may have been a shock, but it wasn’t a surprise. Everyone saw it coming, from the start.
People have talked about the judge, about trial procedure, about how the laws themselves are written, and these are all relevant subjects. But they don’t, to our satisfaction, get at the problem here, of which this has been yet another example, but not the thing itself.
So we ended up doing what we’ve done before: Look at voting demographics.
Anakin: I’m tired of writing essays.
Padmé: But you’re still going to write them, right?
Anakin: (blank stare)
Padmé: But you’re still going to write them, right?
NOJO • Nightmare at the Museum From the last time he threatened to bomb Iran, 2020. Remember that one? All a misty blur now.
NOJO • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @ManchuCandidate: I have birthright citizenship in Cascadia, so I think I’m good.
MANCHUCANDIDATE • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @nojo: Only the sane parts... like the West coast, New England (minus the Bruins and…
NOJO • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @ManchuCandidate: So, can you guys annex us now?
MANCHUCANDIDATE • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! PP is done. 51st state, my ass.
NOJO • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @FlyingChainSaw: No, but my government was.
FLYINGCHAINSAW • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @nojo: Were you kidnapped?
NOJO • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! @FlyingChainSaw: I’ve spent the past five weeks looking like Astronaut Dave going through the…
FLYINGCHAINSAW • TRUMP TARIFFS UNLEASHING FURY OF CANADIANS - AND THEIR LEGENDARY SNIPERS! NOJO - HOW COME WE'RE NOT COVERING KRASNOV?
NOJO • The Reckoning Four years later: Uhhh, how’d that work out?