With the Birther Sitcom on hiatus, WorldNetDaily has turned its attention to the next authoritarian cabal that will provide a pretext for enslaving reality-dodging God-fearing Americans: Swine Flu.

The Pig Dawn scenario, in case you’ve been distracted by Project Runway, is that the Nazis subverting our Republic will use an H1N1 outbreak to declare martial law and put those reconstituted FEMA camps back into service.

Now all that’s needed is to mangle some facts to fit the fear.

Say, how about microchip implants?

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It’s been a busy week in matriarchal feces-flinging at the First Family, perhaps revealing pent-up resentment at a generation of jabs at Barbara Bush, from whom Shrub inherited his testicles.

Thursday’s fracas stemmed from a weekend post by Townhall fabulist Kristen Atkinson, whose now-deleted (but still cached) missive managed to take down the First Granny a peg without mentioning Nancy Reagan’s astrologer:

The Obama White House is abuzz with talk of witchcraft by first grandmother, 72-year-old Marian Robinson, who lives in the White House residence. A close friend of Michelle Obama says the president is furious at his mother-in-law after learning that she was practicing Santeria, an African spirit cult, in the White House.

We’ve been known to practice Sangria ourselves on festive occasions, so we’re not sure what the problem is. But Atkinson only made things worse for herself after complaining to warblogger-edited Wonkette that she is not to be trifled with:

I posted a very serious article recently in Townhall.com about witchcraft in the White House, and later realized that your website had made a farce out of it.

And there we’re inclined to agree. You can’t make a farce out of posts like Atkinson’s. All you can do is celebrate them as such.

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Looking for something — anything — to distract us, we stumbled across what looked like a fun controversy: criticism of Michelle Obama’s vacationwear.

The headlines were all over Google News: Michelle Obama Shorts spark debate! Michelle Obama’s shorts causing a stir! Michelle Obama’s Shorts: too short? Even the Today show did a segment on the First Gams:

During a recent family vacation to the Grand Canyon, Michelle Obama stepped off Air Force One in a pair of “short shorts” that some are calling inappropriate.

Great, we thought. Let’s find some stupid people saying stupid things.

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• “Fox News is lying to you.”
• “Chuck Grassley is lying to you.”
• “Sarah Palin is lying to you.”
• “John Boehner is lying to you.”
• “Newt Gingrich is lying to you.”
• “Dick Armey is lying to you.”
• “Michael Steele is lying to you.”
• “The National Republican Congressional Committee is lying to you.”
• “Robert Novak would be lying to you if he was still breathing.”

See, craven Democrats, it’s not that hard. These are not innocent misunderstandings. These are not subtle distinctions. They are deliberate lies. And until you say as much, word for word, you’re nothing but spineless enablers.

Barney Frank excepted.

Obama To Hold Live Strategy Meeting With Organizing For America Supporters [TPM]

We’ll leave the esoteric procedural issues to our betters, but on Monday the Supreme Court stayed the execution of what may well be an innocent man.

With two dissents.

Yes, them. Who else?

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In the midst of our bar brawl spirited exchange with a troll distinguished visitor on Friday, Stinquer “al2o3cr” brought to our attention a curious Fall 2009 course requirement from the Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary:

At least 10 posts defending aspects of the Christian worldview totaling at least 3,000 words on “hostile” websites.

To be fair, the trolling must be original:

When the professor concludes that a student has plagiarized an assignment, the student will receive the grade of zero for the assignment, and the office of the Vice President for Student Affairs will be notified about the incident.

Don’t take that warning lightly — Professor William A. Dembski will call Homeland Security on yer ass if he doesn’t like your work.

No, really. We’re quite serious. Ask Eric Pianka.

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You may have heard that former healthcare-reform advocate Glenn Beck is losing advertisers because of some unkind remarks he made about Our Racist President. You may also have heard that Whole Foods is losing customers because its price-gouging, union-busting, competition-averse CEO made some unkind remarks about healthcare reform in Thursday’s Wall Street Journal.

Which suggests an obvious solution. Please, folks, no gunplay in the produce aisle — there’s enough arugula for everyone.