Watching Dallas lose, so I’ve got a whole lotta nuthin’:

They never get old:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfkDxF2kn1I

From tonight’s show:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIaAL9FcL_k

It’s been a while for a post from me.  Sorry — work, work, no usable internet connection at work, work.  So I need to come back with a bang.

In that spirit, I offer the greatest thing ever.  Hurry Hard Condoms, sponsored by — yes — USA Curling.  (Curling is that sport that everybody falls in love with during the Winter Olympics after they get sick of wall-to-wall figure skating, and is the second national sport of Canada City.  It’s the one with rocks that people sweep, with brooms, up and down the ice, with people yelling HURRY! and HARD! at the sweepers.  Hence, the humor.)

There’s other curling jargon that is appropriate here, such as “the button,” “double takeout,” “hack,” “pebble,” “swingy,” and “biter.”  But I will leave that alone and leave you to contemplate whether curlers actually get any, thus necessitating the need for Hurry Hard Condoms.

[Noted: the condoms were released as a part of awareness-raising for World AIDS Day a couple of weeks ago.  So I should feel awful for poking fun, and you should feel awful for the laughs (pity or otherwise).  We are all AWFUL.]

[Also noted: while I was in Madison, I curled for a year.  It’s a great sport played by, well, almost uniformly dull people.  But curling is kind of out there.  Indie rock for accountants and insurance salesmen, perhaps.  And it is one of the ways good Wisconsinites and Minnesotans take out their aggression without killing animals.  So there’s that.]

Thank you jesus for the man meat which we are about to gobble in your name, for the power of the schlong is thine glory and glofkrkegle, rgrgff!!!

GOP icon, Jesufascist fucktard and gay-bashing schlong-gobbling meth head Ted Haggard refused to take Stinque.com’s recommendation that he take up a new career as a Tiger Temper Tester for for Siegfried and Roy. Having failed at everything in his professional career except finding stupid people to give him money in trade for salvation, Haggard is returning to the revivalist racket, putting together a ‘church’ in his basement.

That’s right. If you thought the Church of the Perpetual Schlong Gobbler in Colorado Springs that Haggard founded in the 1980s was a shithouse of slack-jawed, fuckwitted, drooling snakehanders, then this latest scam should attract the real damaged goods: fucktards of such demented idiocy that they’ll believe they’re being led to salvation by a drug-crazed gay-basher who spent his congregants’ tithes on male prostitutes and drug-fueled gay orgies.

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Feel free to run the video if you tire of (a) the health care debate or (b) Sport.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTI-hF3mtiU