[It’s time once again for our Black Friday column, an annual tradition since it was first published in the Oregon Daily Emerald on December 3, 1979. Gather the kids!]

R-I-I-N-G!!!

“President’s Bedroom, Rosalynn speaking.”

“This is Cy Vance, honey — get me the President!”

“Just a moment, Cy. Jimmy? For you.”

“This is your President. What’s going on?”

“A bearded maniac has taken over one of our embassies!”

“Again? Come on, Cy, it’s four in the morning on Christmas Eve…”

“I’m sorry, sir, but it couldn’t wait — Santa Claus has the North Pole embassy under siege!”

“Meet me in the Oval Office.”

Read more »

We got Dubya as Dumbo Horton, but who’s the Smurf?

Looking for a last-minute holiday cooking tip that’s certain to… um… er… intrigue your guests?

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food.

We’re not sure it’s been neglected. That would presume it was even considered.

But with lip-smacking recipes for an Almost White Russian, Man Made Oysters, and Creamy Cum Crepes, “semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist.” Just make sure the blender’s unplugged while you prepare your ingredients.

Natural Harvest [Lulu, via HF]

The California Arts Administrator Conspiracy widens: Richard Raddon, director of Los Angeles Film Festival, resigned over the weekend after it was discovered he had donated $1,500 to Prop 8.

This ain’t no California Musical Theatre: the festival is sponsored by Film Independent, which also sponsors the Independent Spirit awards. Film Independent board members include Don Cheadle and Forest Whitaker.

Oh, and Dreamgirls director Bill Condon. “I’m personally saddened by the outcome,” he says. “Someone has lost his job and possibly his livelihood because of privately held religious beliefs.”

No. Nobody gives a shit that Raddon is a Mormon. The issue is that he made a substantial financial contribution towards depriving California citizens of their human rights. Save the Blacklist whine for Fox News.

L.A. Film Festival director Richard Raddon resigns [LAT]

Image: David Goldsmith, AIDS/LifeCycle 2007

“This isn’t about politics, this is about doing the right thing.”
–Joe the Plumber, Paragon of Awesome

‘Joe the Plumber’ Hawking DTV Converter Boxes [PC Magazine]

Joe’s DTV Education Corner [VelocityStore]

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We think we’re supposed to be outraged:

They’ve come in the form of a burning Book of Mormon, shattered glass doors, mysterious white powder, graffiti and even a flaming plastic plant. A recent rash of crimes has swept churches along the Wasatch Front and peppered areas of California since Proposition 8, backed by the LDS Church, banned gay marriage there.

Bearing in mind that no evidence yet ties these events to opponents of Prop 8, the fact is, if the roles were reversed, we’d be all over it. Especially in those cases where symbolism crosses over into violence and intimidation. Hey, we thought the WTO kiddies in Seattle were idiots.

But honestly: We don’t have it in us to condemn. We don’t condone it, we think it unwise — but we can’t find our anger.

Where did it go?

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Did Sarah Palin see the turkey holocaust or didn’t she? Her sock puppet tells Entertainment Tonight she didn’t. (Yes, ET is now covering the Talibunny beat.) The guy holding the camera says she did:

Scott Jensen is the one who filmed the scene. He’s local station KTUU’s award winning chief photographer. He told CC from KUDO radio yesterday that Sarah Palin, who was standing next to her personal assistant throughout the entire interview, chose the spot on which she stood for the “turkey slaughter interview” that quickly went viral on the internet, and received wide coverage in the news media. The turkey slaughter was already underway when the governor chose the spot. The photographer pointed out what was going on and asked her if she wanted to move. She said, “No worries.”

Remember, it’s not the crime, it’s the cover-up. Follow the gobbler.

Turkey Gate – The Fiasco That Wouldn’t Die. [Mudflats, via Sully]