Bristol’s bastard is now a week late, and the relation of the Devirgin Birth to local supernatural events can no longer be easily dismissed.

First the Talibunny Tabernacle spontaneously combusted. Then the 25-foot pagan god Snowzilla mysteriously appeared in Anchorage. And now an army of Snowzilla’s zombie offspring have surrounded Anchorage City Hall, demanding the sacrifice of the Golden Grandchild else they pelt passersby with coal.

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Whadya get? Whadya get? Whadya get?

War on Christmas Jam [Flickr]

Can you spot the missing detail?

1. Return home after drinking.

2. Commence oral sex.

3. Start hitting each other.

4. Call the police.

Sharp-eyed readers will have immediately noticed the gap between #2 and #3:

But moments later as Bowers and her spouse, Delou, engaged in the act, she began biting down hard enough that Delou Bowers asked her to stop, the report says. When she refused, Delou Bowers started punching Charris Bowers in the head and face until she finally let go.

And there you have it: She bit his johnson because she didn’t want to have sex. Thanks for playing!

Biting during oral sex results in battery charge [Daytona Beach News-Journal]

Gift		Review
	Wii	We told you Grand Theft Auto only plays on a PS3 or Xbox. We told you.
	Beefstick	Only one?
	Snoopy sheets	We’ve given up telling Mom we’ve outgrown that.

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If you know “The Chickens are in the Chimes” at all, you probably know it from Dr. Demento. We, on the other hand, know it from the local AM station growing up, where it was easily the most-requested song during the holiday season. It’s the best Stan Freberg song that wasn’t done by Stan Freberg — credit belongs to Sascha Burland and the Skipjack Choir.

The Famous Yule Log [WPIX]

We’re still waiting for Bristol’s bastard to drop, but an ominous portent has appeared in Anchorage: Snowzilla, a 25-foot harbinger of doom.

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