Our Evaluations

Gift Review
Wii We told you Grand Theft Auto only plays on a PS3 or Xbox. We told you.
Beefstick Only one?
Snoopy sheets We’ve given up telling Mom we’ve outgrown that.

Monkees Head DVD We already have it.
Donation in our name Fine, but you owe us double for our birthday.
Reader’s Digest subscription Thanks, Grandma!
Bush pardon Sorry, that gift has been recalled.

Questions linger after Bush withdraws pardon [CNN]

i got a big sticky fresh bag ‘o weed from the rat,
thanks rat! the perfect gift to tolerate you!
and a lalique dolphin.
(i always say i want to come back as a dolphin, is he unconciously wishing me dead?)

Baked, (non pot smoker but cheap bastard who got contact highs from friends who do smoke) is there a way to get that thru customs or do you intend to burn through that ASAP?

CNN Sez: • Why didn’t the White House conduct a more thorough investigation of Toussie’s background?

Did you guys pay enough attention the past 8 fucking years? No?

CNN Sez Again: • Why did White House Counsel Fred Fielding circumvent the typical pardon application process by directly considering Toussie’s clemency request instead of leaving it to the Justice Department?

Again, did you guys pay ANY attention these past 8 fucked up years?

CNN Asks Again • Did Toussie get special treatment because of his political connections?

Are you fucking with me? You do know this is the Bush Admin, right? Sea Ehn Ehn?

sadly, no manchu. i take NO chances like that. (crazy, not stupid)
i figured out though why i am ALWAYS “randomly” selected for a pat down. my clothes must reek. there is a beagle who howls when he smells my stuff at EVERY airport.
does everyone else get love letters from homeland security that they have inspected the checked luggage? i always do. always.

@baked: I always get those little love notes. I’m pretty sure my CPAP (for sleep apnea) machine looks just like a mini still or some such mechanical device under the x-ray machine. If only.

you just gave me an idea. all i need is a prescription!
but i would miss the enormous gorilla women, ex prison guards all,
feeling me up as part of my travel experience.

know what i got rat?
nada, excepto la ausencia de mi desprecio para el día … y una sorpresa blowie.

too shy to say that in english. i guess blowie blows that.

@baked: Oh dear! enormous gorilla women feeling me up – I must now excuse myself…..

Not keeping up well these last few months – is the Rat your paramour?

@WonkRefugee: Cheating lying paramour. We have got to get a FAQ. Good to see you again.

@baked: Is the dolphin large and heavy enough to be used as a weapon?

@baked: After consulting Google translate, I can say that was more than he deserved.

@WonkRefugee: I was told I should always carry on my CPAP, in its own bag, too. I love my CPAP.

Rat Bastard is my husband who had an affair.
my my, you missed high drama when IKE hit the turks and caicos, where i live. while i was stuck in a hotel in miami waiting for the first flight back for 3 days fending off rape attempts from the phone repairman. THAT’s when i found out about his girlfriend.

the stinquers literally saved my life, surrounded me on the fainting couch with smelling salts, humor, and support.
and how the hell and where the hell have you been?

@Mistress Cynica:
YES! do you think i would waste that on him when a nice peice of limestone would do?

Obvs, you don’t fuck with El Al.
Mail it to Rat in the Middle East using his address as the return address. How else are you going to get the Rasta Boys’ finest crop to comfort you in the desert?

Oh dear – I missed so much. Here’s the low down – last July when you all were staging your mutiny from CP, my menopausal hormonal soup went bizzaro. Simultaneously, I picked up a new course to teach – stress. I crawled into a bottle of bourbon and began seeking better living through pharmacology. So now the semester is over, lithium levels are good and now I have to re-design the course I built in a drunken stupor for last semester. Gyn assures me the end is near. My wife is just starting her decent into madness and frankly I run away to my pals at the watering hole as often as possible. Meanwhile we are both trying to spare our childrens from the madness.

So that’s it. Oh and the latest indignity resulting from my hormone-soaked brain is a libido that won’t quit! Can I haz sanity?

all sounds normal to me. you’re in the right company here.
wecome back!

Welcome back. Hope things are better in the new year of regime change.

@SanFranLefty: @baked: Thank you all. Things must be getting better, my daughter accused me, in a petulant huff, of lurking on her Facebook page. Remember when we would just glare at our moms when we knew they’d gone through our dresser drawers? At least I have the energy to lurk now.

@Promnight: They told me to carry on too but I hate schlepping – so I pack it.

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