“The family bank of Democratic Senate candidate Alexi Giannoulias loaned a pair of Chicago crime figures about $20 million during a 14-month period when Giannoulias was a senior loan officer… Although both men were preparing to serve federal prison terms, the bank embarked on a series of loans to them.” [Chicago Tribune, via Political Wire]

Or, Dick Move by Dick Doctor:

“I’m not turning anybody away — that would be unethical,” Dr. Jack Cassell, 56, a Mount Dora urologist and a registered Republican opposed to the health plan, told the Orlando Sentinel on Thursday. “But if they read the sign and turn the other way, so be it.”

Just out of curiosity: Did Dr. Cassell use government-subsidized student loans to help pay for medical school? Did his medical school benefit from government grants?

Doctor tells Obama supporters: Go elsewhere for health care [Orlando Sentinel]

• Enlighten a barrel of monkeys.
• Taunt your iPhone with its superior networking.
• Drop acid and stare through a kaleidoscope.
• Send one anonymously to each member of Congress, just to see what the fuck happens.
• Paste a Calvin-peeing sticker on it.
• Poke it in the eye.
• Ask it about the damn baby.
• Complain that it doesn’t play Flash.
• Accuse it of sleeping with your Death Star.
• Film another crappy sequel.

Monolith Action Figure [ThinkGeek, via Daring Fireball]

Oh, those clever Brit designers:

The flip-top cigarette pack is one of the most successful pieces of packaging design in history. TankBooks pay homage to this iconic form by employing it in the service of great literature. We have launched a series of books designed to mimic cigarette packs — the same size, packaged in flip-top cartons with silver foil wrapping and sealed in cellophane.

And if you get bored, you can always rip out the pages for rolling paper.

Tales to Take Your Breath Away [TankBooks]

Somebody went to the trouble of gathering all the, um, independently spelled teabagger signs into a convenient Flickr stream, and of all the delightful ironies on offer, we chose this one for your definitional pleasure.

Close second: “Preserve the Sactity of Marriage.”

Teabonics [Flickr]

No, we’re not indulging in April tomfoolery. On his show last night, Billo schooled Stinque Book Club favorite Jason Mattera on congressional etiquette — in this case, disrespecting the senator from the great state of Minnesota by calling him “Senator Smalley” to his face in a Capitol Hill ambush interview.

Not impressed? Try this:

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1. What do you get when you cross the GOP faux-census fundraising mailer with the GOP faux-lesbian club scandal?

A GOP faux-census fundraising mailer with an 800 number to a phone-sex line offering “live, one-on-one talk with a nasty girl who will do anything you want for just $2.99 per minute”!

2. What do you get when you cross Sarah Palin’s faux-guest Fox show with an RNC faux-guest fundraising event?

Sarah Palin demanding that she not be listed as a faux guest to the RNC fundraising event!

Thanks for playing GOP Meme Mash-Up!