Things to Do With Your Monolith Action Figure

  • Enlighten a barrel of monkeys.
  • Taunt your iPhone with its superior networking.
  • Drop acid and stare through a kaleidoscope.
  • Send one anonymously to each member of Congress, just to see what the fuck happens.
  • Paste a Calvin-peeing sticker on it.
  • Poke it in the eye.
  • Ask it about the damn baby.
  • Complain that it doesn’t play Flash.
  • Accuse it of sleeping with your Death Star.
  • Film another crappy sequel.
Monolith Action Figure [ThinkGeek, via Daring Fireball]

You left off: Bury it on the moon.

Anyway, thing definitely looks cool. I just wonder: how’s the detail? Is it a pretty accurate replica? Kung Fu grip? Chopping action?

@Serolf Divad: But is it a want, or a need?

TJ/ Has anybody else remarked on how totally goddess-like this Roxana Saberi woman is? I caught her interview on JStew, and am now listening to her FreshAir interview, and am in a total swoon.

My GOD! It’s full of… something.

This is probably the most appropriate tie in ever for this movie. When I was a kid, someone (from Hong Kong) made 2001 laser pistols! Seriously. The less said about the comic book series, the better.

@ナビスコ: You straight men. You see a woman who is clearly educated accomplished and who has lived large in dangerous places and it’s all about the tits.

They had to do something with all those template remnants from iPhone manufacturing.

@Benedick: Everything, absolutely everything, is about the tits. This European supercollider, mark my words, it will discover that the underlying universal force that shapes the universe, is the tits.

Here now, for no reason except that it is cherry blossom time, and mellbell has brought to mind bluebells, are a few lines of Pablo Neruda, some of my favorite lines:

I will bring you happy flowers from the mountains, bluebells,
dark hazels, and rustic baskets of kisses.
I want
to do with you what spring does with the cherry trees.


I’ll see your Neruda and raise you a Rostand:

If that be true–
And when that moment comes to you and me–
What words will you?…

All those, all those, all those
That blossom in my heart, I’ll fling to you–
Armfuls of loose bloom! Love, I love beyond
Breath, beyond reason, beyond love’s own power
Of loving! Your name is like a golden bell
Hung in my heart; and when I think of you,
I tremble, and the bell swings and rings–
“Roxane!”…along my veins, “Roxane!”…

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: “….you don’t have to put out the red light…”

@Dodgerblue, Prommie: Every time you boys start talking about tits and ass making the world go ’round, the song “My Humps” by Black Eyed Peas pops into my head.

@Dodgerblue: And we’re back to quoting A Chorus Line.

Not everything is musical theatre, people.

@Dodgerblue: Well they say the tits are only attractive because the cleavage looks like ass. They don’t know what they’re talking about, of course.

@Benedick: Oh boy, now you’ve done it. We’re never gonna get Prommie off that subject now.

Chapter 4
1.Behold, thou art fair, my love; behold, thou art fair; thou hast doves’ eyes within thy locks: thy hair is as a flock of goats, that appear from mount Gilead.
2.Thy teeth are like a flock of sheep that are even shorn, which came up from the washing; whereof every one bear twins, and none is barren among them.
3.Thy lips are like a thread of scarlet, and thy speech is comely: thy temples are like a piece of a pomegranate within thy locks.
4.Thy neck is like the tower of David builded for an armoury, whereon there hang a thousand bucklers, all shields of mighty men.
5.Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies.
6.Until the day break, and the shadows flee away, I will get me to the mountain of myrrh, and to the hill of frankincense.
7.Thou art all fair, my love; there is no spot in thee.

My mistress’ eyes are nothing like the sun;
Coral is far more red than her lips’ red;
If snow be white, why then her breasts are dun;
If hairs be wires, black wires grow on her head.

I have seen roses damasked, red and white,
But no such roses see I in her cheeks,
And in some perfumes is there more delight
Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.
I love to hear her speak, yet well I know,
That music hath a far more pleasing sound.
I grant I never saw a goddess go;
My mistress when she walks treads on the ground.

And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare
As any she belied with false compare.

-William Shakespeare, Sonnet 130, circa 1596

@TJ/ Jamie Sommers /TJ:
Yeah, meanwhile he and Tommy are quoting poetry to each other and I’m bopping along to “my humps, my humps, my humps, my lovely lady humps” and quoting Sting.

And yes, my first thought at seeing Sonnet 130 was “Sting song!”


Will you stay with me, will you be my love
Among the fields of barley?
We’ll forget the sun in his jealous sky
As we lie in the fields of gold.

See the west wind move like a lover so
Upon the fields of barley.
Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth
Among the fields of gold.

I never made promises lightly
And there have been some that I’ve broken
But I swear in the days still left
We’ll walk in the fields of gold
We’ll walk in the fields of gold

-Sting, Fields of Gold, 1993

COME, madam, come, all rest my powers defy ;
Until I labour, I in labour lie.
The foe ofttimes, having the foe in sight,
Is tired with standing, though he never fight.
Off with that girdle, like heaven’s zone glittering,
But a far fairer world encompassing.
Unpin that spangled breast-plate, which you wear,
That th’ eyes of busy fools may be stopp’d there.
Unlace yourself, for that harmonious chime
Tells me from you that now it is bed-time.
Off with that happy busk, which I envy,
That still can be, and still can stand so nigh.
Your gown going off such beauteous state reveals,
As when from flowery meads th’ hill’s shadow steals.
Off with your wiry coronet, and show
The hairy diadems which on you do grow.
Off with your hose and shoes ; then softly tread
In this love’s hallow’d temple, this soft bed.
In such white robes heaven’s angels used to be
Revealed to men ; thou, angel, bring’st with thee
A heaven-like Mahomet’s paradise ; and though
Ill spirits walk in white, we easily know
By this these angels from an evil sprite ;
Those set our hairs, but these our flesh upright.
Licence my roving hands, and let them go
Before, behind, between, above, below.
O, my America, my Newfoundland,
My kingdom, safest when with one man mann’d,
My mine of precious stones, my empery ;
How am I blest in thus discovering thee !
To enter in these bonds, is to be free ;
Then, where my hand is set, my soul shall be.
Full nakedness ! All joys are due to thee ;
As souls unbodied, bodies unclothed must be
To taste whole joys. Gems which you women use
Are like Atlanta’s ball cast in men’s views ;
That, when a fool’s eye lighteth on a gem,
His earthly soul might court that, not them.
Like pictures, or like books’ gay coverings made
For laymen, are all women thus array’d.
Themselves are only mystic books, which we
—Whom their imputed grace will dignify—
Must see reveal’d. Then, since that I may know,
As liberally as to thy midwife show
Thyself ; cast all, yea, this white linen hence ;
There is no penance due to innocence :
To teach thee, I am naked first ; why then,
What needst thou have more covering than a man?

–John Donne, Elegy XX, To His Mistress on Going to Bed


I think it is on “Nothing Like The Sun”, actually. So that might be on purpose.

@Mistress Cynica:

My favorite Donne, who is HUGELY unappreciated, is The Flea

Marke but this flea, and marke in this,
How little that which thou deny’st me is;
Me it suck’d first, and now sucks thee,
And in this flea our two bloods mingled bee;
Confesse it, this cannot be said
A sinne, or shame, or losse of maidenhead,

Yet this enjoyes before it wooe,
And pamper’d swells with one blood made of two,
And this, alas, is more than wee would doe.

Oh stay, three lives in one flea spare,
When we almost, nay more than maryed are.
This flea is you and I, and this
Our marriage bed, and marriage temple is;
Though parents grudge, and you, w’are met,
And cloysterd in these living walls of Jet.

Though use make thee apt to kill me,
Let not to this, selfe murder added bee,
And sacrilege, three sinnes in killing three.

Cruell and sodaine, has thou since
Purpled thy naile, in blood of innocence?
In what could this flea guilty bee,
Except in that drop which it suckt from thee?
Yet thou triumph’st, and saist that thou
Find’st not thyself, nor mee the weaker now;

‘Tis true, then learne how false, feares bee;
Just so much honor, when thou yeeld’st to mee,
Will wast, as this flea’s death tooke life from thee.

-John Donne, The Flea, 1633

I think I posted it before but it always bears a repeat. I love the image of the woman in the poem squishing the flea between her thumbnails to kill his conceit, it always makes me laugh.

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: Not a model of chivalry, is it? Donne wants her in the sack, and now.

I wanna be sedated.

/Ovation doc on right now about the cultural impact of that song, btw.

@redmanlaw: My buddy’s garage band does that as “I wanna be fellated.” Always a big hit with the audience.

@Dodgerblue: I love Donne. Such a bad boy–that I’m sure all the good girls fell for–before he got religion.

@Tommmcatt Loves The Giant Floating Head: My favorite Donne… is The Flea

My favorite Flea is Patrick Warburton.

No wait, he’s a Tick. Never mind.

@Mistress Cynica: Didn’t he disavow all his good stuff when he got all old-farty?

@nojo: Let’s not forget the prawns.

@Dodgerblue: Continuing the free association – and acknowledging my dry well of poetry references – I looked for “Where Are The Prawns?” – but instead found this.

@Benedick: I’m shocked that my expression of infatuation with this young, fair skinned and doe-eyed journalist of even tone and sturdy carriage could be misconstrued as a tit fixation. It’s the total package, baby.

@Dodgerblue: @ナビスコ: Have we reached “Send in the Prawns” yet?

@nojo: My favorite Flea plays bass for the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

@SanFranLefty: Ah, but you ain’t seen nuthin’ ’till you’ve seen Alanis Morissette cover “Humps.”

As much as I adore Alanis Morisette as the hilarious abortionist banging Andy on Weeds, 99.9% of her songs sound like a cat being strangled and drowned. Even the acoustic versions.

Ergo, I refuse to click on that linque.

@SanFranLefty: Haha! I guarantee you’ll never hear the original the same way again.

@SanFranLefty: Oh. What? I’m waay behind on Weeds. She’s banging Andy? Andy needs to just come out already.

ADD: I finally caught up on Mad Men, and I was planning on watching Connections (1st series) right now, but mebbe I need to see what’s been up with Weeds…


(I’m stuck on Season 3; the ‘original copies’ I got turned out to have 2 blank discs out of three, so I have to go and see if I can swap them out for good ones).

@JNOV: You think he enjoyed playing catcher with his Israeli IDF rabbi too much? I also just finished up Season 3 of Mad Men (4 isn’t out yet, right?), am I wrong to be more pissed at Bets for her indiscretion than I am at Dick/Don for his? Yes, I probably am.

@ナビスコ: Yes. Yes you are. And, yeah — I’ve only seen up to the end of Season 3. I watch it on Project Free TV. Stay away from megavideo, but zshare streams pretty fast.

@JNOV, SanFranLefty: I am so out of touch. I’ve heard of these Black Eyed Pea-people, but I don’t think I’ve ever heard their, um, music.

So I watched the Alanis video first. I know her more for her work in Cinema, never really paid any attention to her pop songs. And that was a really good low-fi low-budget video.

Then, since the link was right there on YouTube, I tried to watch the BEP version. Which I think is inferior, but I’m not sure because I couldn’t get through it.

@JNOV: Hmmm…

Okay, Project Free TV looks safe enough. But take care to avoid torrents — the MPAA has started cracking down hard. They make the RIAA look like sissies.

RE: Black-Eyed Peas. Based on my viewing of 1/2 of a video, I will go out on a limb and declare that this has got to stop. That type of thing is exactly what is ruining pop music.

Tuneless, no pretext of melody, utterly derivative, sounds exactly like all that other stuff I ignore on the radio because if I listened to it for more than a minute the boredom would erode my soul and make me want to drive ice picks into my ears. Reminds me of that dark time in the 80’s when everywhere you turned there was Journey / Foreigner / REO Speedwagon: need I say more?

The question: how do people make so much fucking money off this shite? I have a computer, can I just program a generic backbeat with bleeps and blops, set some faux-provocative lyrics to it and get some ca$h?

@Pedonator: can I just program a generic backbeat with bleeps and blops, set some faux-provocative lyrics to it and get some ca$h? Sadly, si se puede.

@Pedonator: Reminds me of that dark time in the 80’s when everywhere you turned there was Journey / Foreigner / REO Speedwagon: need I say more? For every period like that, we also have had X, Black Flag, Sonic Youth and the Minutemen, if you only went left of the dial. So keep reaching for the stars, as Kasey Kasem used to say!

@JNOV: Turns out it was my Season 4 discs that are bad; had to “special order” them today, along with Season 5. Picked up “Green Zone” and “Amelia” while I was there. Frackin “Che Part II” had a scratch so I never got to see whether Benicio fought himself and his compadres out of the grip of the Bolivian army. There’s a Part III, no?

I’ll have a lookee at this freetv thing, but if hulu and netflix are any indication, it’ll either be blocked outside the US or the buffering on this end will drive me batty.

@nojo: Yeah — I steer clear of the torrents.

@Pedonator: I’m with you. BEP = blargh.

@ナビスコ: Season 4 of Mad Men? I’m really behind then. I’m about 1/4 through Season 5 of Weeds. Oh boy! No spoilers. Just. Wow.

Oh, and Project Free TV and Alluc probably won’t work well for you if your connection is über slow. Boo!

@JNOV: @ナビスコ: I’ve just finished the second disk of Season 5 of Weeds, and am waiting anxiously for S4 of Dexter to come out on DVD. I subscribed to MadMen on iTunes last season because I couldn’t wait. May have to watch them again while I do mountains of laundry on this rainy day.

@Mistress Cynica: Just finished S5 of Weeds. Huzzah! Sort of. It’s interesting how the series went from goofy smart to heavy smart with some goofy comic relief.

I didn’t get into Dexter, but I’m a big fan of Six Feet Under. I’ll never hear Strawberry Letter 23 the same way again.

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