This portion of our test is designed to measure your comprehension. Please read the following passage thoroughly before answering the questions below.

A few weeks ago I decided to mosey over to a local Manhattan coffee shop for an afternoon cappuccino.

After placing my order I sat down at a table and pulled out my Amazon Kindle.

I barely made it a sentence into the e-book I was reading before an employee of the coffee shop came by, stood over me and said, “Excuse me sir, but we don’t allow computers in the coffee shop.”

I looked up at him with an incredulous look and replied, “This isn’t a computer, it’s an e-book reader.”

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[CSMonitor, via Sully]

“It’s official: Sidney Harman, the businessman who made his fortune selling stereo equipment, has secured a deal to buy Newsweek from the Washington Post Co. and will announce the deal later Monday afternoon.” [Ad Age]

Silly us, we missed a graphic opportunity with the Morning Blather. Consider it rectified.

Cats That Look Like Hitler

Tonight, when [Rand] Paul finally strides up and takes the microphone in the front of the room, he seems relaxed and speaks to the crowd in a soft and steady Southern accent. “People say, ‘Oh those Tea Party people, they’re angry.’ I say: ‘No, they’re concerned and they’re worried.’ They’re worried that we could destroy the currency by adding such a massive debt.” Paul then invoked the Nazis: “In Germany it led to Hitler.”

• Endless war of aggression.
• Denigration of minority religion.
• Fascist memoirist.

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Title: “The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment +2 (an adventure for 3-6 players, levels 2-5)”

Author: Carlton Mellick III

Rank: 6,574

Blurb: “If anyone out there is reading this, I need your help. I am trapped within a really terrible Dungeons and Dragons campaign and I can’t find my way out. My player is a horny 14 year old loser who won’t stop forcing me to have sex with slutty elf chicks instead of going on quests.”

Review: “This book is an awesome parody of all those caffeinated nights playing Dungeons and Dragons when you were fourteen.”

Customers Also Bought: “Rampaging Fuckers of Everything on the Crazy Shitting Planet of the Vomit Atmosphere,” by Mykle Hansen.

Footnote: We didn’t play D&D, but we knew people who did. And we were very, very frightened of them. Mainly because we feared being assimilated.

The Kobold Wizard’s Dildo of Enlightenment [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon kickback link]

“Have you ever found yourself utterly repulsed by the latest immoral outrage — few of which are even cleverly disguised these days — and wondered, ‘How on earth did America succumb to such degradation?’ Have you ever wondered who opened the door to the sexual abyss?” [WND email]