This exists. No, really. Swear to God. Direct from his website. We are so not worthy.

Rick Santorum for President [via @KeithOlbermann]

When new evidence confirms that he was framed, reporter Harry Barber (Woody Harrelson) is released from prison after serving two years. He then goes on to demonstrate repeatedly that he is the dumbest, most masochistic noir hero since Adam ate the apple. His original plan, to leave Palmetto, is foiled when he runs into his girlfriend Nina (Gina Gershon), a successful sculptor who truly loves him. Unfortunately, he also runs into Rhea Malroux (Elisabeth Shue), a conniving femme fatale and wife of a dying millionaire, who offers him $50,000 for a small part in a phony kidnapping of her stepdaughter Odette (Chloe Sevigny). Feeling that he is owed something for his lost two years, and blinded by Rhea’s sexuality, Harry agrees to participate even after he realizes he was set up from the very beginning. Complicating matters for himself, he also accepts an offer from the DA to serve as press liaison on the case. As the kidnapping careens out of control, Harry’s involvement follows the same trajectory. His downfall is that he thinks he’s clever, but his ability to think rationally is compromised from the start and worsens fro—

Whoa, whoa, whoa. That’s a blurb for the movie Palmetto, not the opening for our South Carolina GOP Primary Open Thread/Film Blanc. But if Newt is Woody, and Mitt, Frothy Mix and Dr. Evol are Gina, Elisabeth and Chloe, it just might work.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ntDYjS0Y3w

We are very, very drunk. Had we been sober, we probably would have posted this.

[via Sully]

Well! This looks like a fun story!

[Kansas House Speaker] Mike O’Neal (R) had sent the [anti-Obama] e-mail to House Republicans citing Psalm 109:8, which says, “Let his days be few and brief; and let others step forward to replace him,” the Lawrence Journal-World reported.

The email said: “At last — I can honestly voice a Biblical prayer for our president! Look it up — it is word for word! Let us all bow our heads and pray. Brothers and Sisters, can I get an AMEN? AMEN!!!!!!”.

The next line of the Psalm, which was not included in the e-mail, says “May his children be orphans and his wife a widow.”

Read more »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Yf_005EqDM

Mitt Romney, when pressed about his vulture capitalism and tax returns, whines and waffles.

Three-time Defender of Marriage Newt Gingrich, asked about Mrs. Gingrich II’s claim that he wanted her blessing to fuck Future Mrs. Gingrich III on the side, responds with, well, this.

You can’t help but think you’re not worthy to share existence with him. You also can’t help but think that Newt would be the best thing to happen to Democrats since Sarah Palin.

As he drops out of the preznidential race, let us observe that “Texas’ official holiday is named Confederate Heroes Day and is celebrated on January 19.” [Wikipedia]

“The ex-Mrs. Gingrich said Newt sought an ‘open marriage’ arrangement so he could have a mistress and a wife. She said when Gingrich admitted to a six-year affair with a Congressional aide, he asked her if she would share him with the other woman, Callista, who is now married to Gingrich.” [ABC]