Some Kind of Awesome

Mitt Romney, when pressed about his vulture capitalism and tax returns, whines and waffles.

Three-time Defender of Marriage Newt Gingrich, asked about Mrs. Gingrich II’s claim that he wanted her blessing to fuck Future Mrs. Gingrich III on the side, responds with, well, this.

You can’t help but think you’re not worthy to share existence with him. You also can’t help but think that Newt would be the best thing to happen to Democrats since Sarah Palin.


Oh Foghorn Newthorn. You play Butthurt well.

Why, oh, why does the mainstream media suck so badly at attack journalism? This is how John King basically framed the question:

“Mr. Gingrich, your second wife recently accused you of proposing an open marriage. Would you like to respond to these allegations with a statement that you’ve prepared and been rehearsing in front of a mirror for weeks?”

This is how Fox News would have done it to a politician the sought to destroy:

“Mr. Gingrich, we have all heard the allegations that you served your first wife with divorce papers as she lay recovering from cancer treatments. Recently your second wife has come forward and stated that while you were leading the impeachment proceeding against Bil Clinton at the hight of the Monical Lewinsky affair, you were carrying on with your current wife and proposed to your then wife that she look the other way while you carried on your adulterous affair. Regardless of whether these allegations are 100% accurate, do you think the people of South Carolina are ready to elect a man with so little regard for the sancitity of marriage? And will you here and now promiste to take the oath of office more seriously than you have taken your first two sets of marriage vows?”

@Serolf Divad: Do you expect anyone in America to believe, given your history, that your mistress is not somewhere in the audience? Can you introduce the audience to her? Are you living in an open marriage with your Catholic harlot, as you demanded of your second wife – or is she pretending not to know of your adulterous affair or affairs? As president would you move to abolish monogamy laws or simply ignore them as you’ve done your whole life? Would you be willing to undergo STD testing before the nominating convention?

Speaking of SC and the sanctity of marriage: the DMV there is issuing a marriage equality license plate. My jaw hath dropp-ed.

@Serolf Divad: @FlyingChainSaw:
“Mr. Gingrich, are you a secret Mormon?”

@rptrcub: That’s awesome. Think you can convince anyone you know to get one? (Your folks live there, right?)

@Serolf Divad: @FlyingChainSaw: no shit. why didn’t king tell newt swingrich that he had a lot of nerve trying to portray himself as a victim while being a serial adulterer? it is a matter of trust. where have we heard that before?

remember the one democrat with a chance to beat ronald reagan? gary hart, until he dared the media to catch him cheating. they did. quickly. on a boat. before the internet and youtube.

@SanFranLefty: I’m working on all the Carolina friends and family I can. If mom had her own car, she definitely would get one. Dad — he’s cool with me being gay and my partner but I think that might be a step too far for him.

@jwmcsame: It’s pathetic they call these mincing fucks journalists. King should have asked why a laughing stock like Il Nuce should be allowed to consider himself a candidate for anything since, given his history, he’s probably disqualified from being a candidate for anything including a blood donor.

@FlyingChainSaw: who was the female reporter who interviewed larry craigs wife and after the little mrs denied that her faithful larry was blowing strangers in airport bathrooms, advised her to get down to the clinic right now and get tested?

Did Callista promise the moderator an exclusive interview? That might explain the softball question.

rachel maddow reported that the national organization for marriage (NOM) was a sponsor of last nights newtathon. it just don’t get much better. check out the twisted bitch who heads NOM:
enough liquor has not been distilled in world history to induce me to even have a nightmare about fucking this bitch. even if no one knew or could ever proof it. evidently, that statement stands true for all straight males still above ground.

@Jesuswalksinidaho: callista swings. she mighta been blowing john king after the newtathon last night. swingrich already said callista would help him become president. she’s gotta lotta work ahead of her. you know he’s not above pimping her out, especially with such high stakes. it looks like newt will need at least 69.5 million votes to beat obama. assuming half of those are men, that’s 34.75 million blowjobs needed to win, assuming she’s a good enough campaigner that every man does what he promised. plus, if newt charges $5 each, then he can raise $173.75 million for the swingrich coffers. they could plaster the white house in pearl necklaces from tiffanys with all that cash. things are looking up for newt now that callista’s on his side. no wonder he ditched the other two. they weren’t willing to put in the hours.

@jwmcsame: Under your proposal, they wouldn’t need to go to Tiffany for their pearl necklaces.

I love the look on Newt’s piggy little face as he fights between, “I should keep looking offended and angry,” and, “Aw yeah, listen to those stupid bitches cheer, I totally just won this thing.” The shifting porcine eyes. The folds of jowly flesh. It is too perfect.

@jwmcsame: Wow. I didn’t see that. Poor lady. What a train wreck for the reporter to have to witness, though I dunno if it’s good form on air to advise a spouse to get tested for STD and crabs.

@IanJ: It was really twisted and even more bizarre that the crowd approved the Newt fit. Maybe they would have carried him off on their shoulders if he shat in his hand, rubbed it on his face and run through the crowd shrieking, ‘everyone hates me! I hate everyone!’

@FlyingChainSaw: I’ve seen predictions that Newt could win this thing tomorrow. Wouldn’t that be fun?

@Dodgerblue: Nate Silver is giving Newt a slight edge. The Republican establishment must be shitting itself.

@Mistress Cynica: I suppose that, when the voters’ affection for Santorum wanes, he will endorse Newt. My wife thinks that Newt will fire up the base, but I think he will turn off the so-called moderates.

@FlyingChainSaw:swingrich has saved his last, best, and biggest card for the upcoming southern primaries. he is preying on and stoking the undeniable and overwhelming hatred of a black president that teapublican’ts have spent 3 years denying. newt has turned up the heat and that pot is boiling over. had a white reporter asked swingrich about the janitor comment, the crowd would have barely registered a hiccup in response to newts double down. they loved it and raised holy hell when newt put juan williams in his place though. the teapublican’ts want some one to stand on stage and call obama what they have been afraid to in public these last 3 years. that’s all an obama/swingrinch debate will be. facts from obama and racist name calling in retort from swingrich. as sad as that sounds, that’s what the teapublican’ts want and that’s what they will vote for even though it means sure defeat. just like the old south.

@Dodgerblue: Wait until he wins and shows up at the primary night celebration and is surrounded by teabaggers and neonazis, giggling dementedly on a meth high and firing automatic weapons through the ceiling, tongues lolling and eyes bugging out at Callista. Yeah, he’ll be having big fun.

Yesterday I accepted a Facebook friend invitation from my sister. Here’s her first post on Facebook this morning: “Hey, did anyone see Newt put the liberal media goons in their place last night? If not, check out the Republican debate on You Tube. 1st question. He blew CNN outta the water. ♥ it. :)”

I’ve made a horrible mistake.

@Dave H: Activate “Hide all posts” from her immediately.

@IanJ: It is to be admired the way Swingrich (TM) wears his emotions on his sleeveneckrolls. You can see him getting calmer the more agitated his opponent becomes. Assuming Obama were to stay No Drama during a hypothetical debate, would Il Nuce explode?

@Nabisco: Too horrible to contemplate. Just think of the collateral damage from the flaming fat shrapnel.

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