Our guest columnist is America’s Best-Paid Historian.

At one point early in my career, I introduced the Northwest Ordinance for Space. And I said when we got — I think the number is 13,000 — when we have 13,000 Americans living on the moon, they can petition to become a state.

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Newt at Florida’s “Space Coast”: “By the end of my second term we will have the first permanent base on the moon and it will be American.” [TPM]

Eric J. Ostermeier — Ph.D., University of Minnesota, Department of Political Science, 2006; J.D., The University of Michigan Law School, 1995; Research Associate at the Humphrey School’s Center for the Study of Politics and Governance — would like you to know that Barack Obama is dumbing down:

“My Message is Simple”: Obama’s SOTU Written at 8th Grade Level for Third Straight Year

Obama’s SOTU addresses have the lowest average Flesch-Kincaid score of any modern president; Obama owns three of the six lowest-scoring addresses since FDR

For the third consecutive State of the Union Address, Barack Obama spoke in clear, plain terms.

And for the third straight Address, the President’s speech was written at an eighth-grade level.

In Obama’s own words: “My message is simple.”

But was it too simplistic?

A Smart Politics study of the 70 orally delivered State of the Union Addresses since 1934 finds the text of Obama’s 2012 speech to have tallied the third lowest score on the Flesch-Kincaid readability test, at an 8.4 grade level.

We thought Flesch-Kincaid was the condition that the Heimlich Maneuver resolves, but let’s set that aside.

Instead, we’d like to ask Dr. Eric a simple question: Have you ever written for radio?

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Over at NRO, John Hood revives an argument we haven’t heard for awhile:

A competent presidential campaign, one that could really pose a challenge to a sitting president with a massive war chest and organization, would never settle for the media spin that Mitt Romney had a 15 percent federal tax burden over the past two years.

A competent campaign, and candidate, would explain that Romney’s real federal tax rate on his investment income was more than 40 percent (being conservative, after deductions and such), since the revenue stream was subject to both a personal tax rate and the corporate tax rate.

Shall we? Let’s.

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Let’s be honest: At this point in our life, we’ve seen dozens of State of the Union addresses. And we remember nothing about them. Except the Adderall part, where nobody can fucking sit still.

Up! Down! Up! Down! It’s like an interpretive dance of Republican primary polling.

But we love them nonetheless, which is why we welcome you to our SOTU Open Thread/Jazzercise Workout. Remember, the more you sweat, the more you can drink.

Our guest columnist is Ralph Shortey, Republican state senator from the Great State of Oklahoma.

STATE OF OKLAHOMA

2nd Session of the 53rd Legislature (2012)

SENATE BILL 1418

By: Shortey

AS INTRODUCED

An Act relating to food; prohibiting the manufacture or sale of food or products which use aborted human fetuses; providing for codification; and providing an effective date.

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Our guest columnist is Tim Thomas, who plays a professional sport beloved by Canadians, and who refused to visit the White House with his team yesterday to celebrate winning a trophy named for Lord Stanley of Preston, the 1892 Governor General of Canada.

I believe the Federal government has grown out of control, threatening the Rights, Liberties, and Property of the People.

This is being done at the Executive, Legislative, and Judicial level. This is in direct opposition to the Constitution and the Founding Fathers vision for the Federal government.

Because I believe this, today I exercised my right as a Free Citizen, and did not visit the White House. This was not about politics or party, as in my opinion both parties are responsible for the situation we are in as a country. This was about a choice I had to make as an INDIVIDUAL.

This is the only public statement I will be making on this topic.

Tim Thomas [Facebook]

On a day for team, Thomas left them shorthanded [Boston Globe]