We once knew a guy who was involved with the local recycling scene in Eugene. One night he took us to a warehouse — a giant, cavernous space — where materials were collected. At one end was a mountain of plastic milk jugs.

They were going to be shipped to Asia, our friend explained, because that’s where the facilities existed to deal with them. And the energy expended to process them — “carbon footprint” wasn’t yet in the language — negated any benefit from recycling them. It would be another fifteen years before Dick Cheney sneered that “conservation may be a sign of personal virtue”, but we were already looking at the waste product of Good Intentions.

To be an American in the late twentieth and early twenty-first centuries is to be an agent of destruction. No matter how lightly you tread, you’re stepping on something. No matter how virtuous your life, to be a Caucasian in Our Exceptional Nation is to be the beneficiary of some pretty nasty business conducted in your name a century or three back. We’re historical trustafarians, decrying our ancestors but reaping the benefits. You learn to live with it.

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Title: “Hollywood Hypocrites”

Author: Jason Mattera

Rank: 50

Blurb: “The same Hollywood loons who got Barack Hussein Obama elected in 2008 will do so again in 2012. That is, unless we muzzle them. Four years ago, Republicans sat back like wimps and let Obama’s celebrity-fueled cool machine steamroll them into electoral smithereens. This time, we must do the steamrolling.”

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[@newtgingrich, via @theharryshearer]

Greetings from the Future [Stinque, 4/3/2010]

The part everyone’s reporting:

A co-founder for Invisible Children was detained in Pacific Beach Thursday for being drunk in public and masturbating, according to San Diego Police Department.

Invisible Children? Aren’t they the Kony 2012 crew? Yes. Yes, they are.

But wait — Sandy Eggo?

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Our guest columnist is casting a commercial in New Mexico, with the following selected requirements.

Project: New Mexico Tourism

Type: Regional COMMERCIAL. NON-Speaking Principal roles. NON-UNION.

Talent Specs:

FAMILY

REAL FAMILIES: Caucasian or light skinned Hispanics.

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