“I think Gloria would be very, very impressed with [my penis].” —Donald Trump to TMZ, defending his initial rejection of Canada’s transgender Miss Universe contestant, who is now represented by celebrity ambulance-chaser Gloria Allred. We’re guessing TMZ bracketed “cock”. [via ThinkProgress]

“I want to know what is a 62-year-old man trying to follow a 14-year-old girl on Twitter.” —Jon Bruning to Don Stenberg in Tuesday’s debate for the Nebraska GOP Senate primary. Stenberg said his staff controls his Twitter account, and that the follow was a mistake. [Omaha World-Herald, via TPM]

Live Long & Prosper! [Nichelle Nichols]

Heather Childers is “Fox News Channel Anchor for America’s News Headquarters Weekends”. Her dog has our sympathy.

Heather Childers [via Media Matters]

Well! Now that Former Colleague of Former Website Hunter Walker spent some quality time Monday baiting Former Former Former Former Cable Host Keith Olbermann, let’s see what he came up with:

After his ouster from Current TV last Friday, Keith Olbermann spent much of the ensuing three days bickering with Twitter users who mocked his firing. Mr. Olbermann also got into an extended discussion with The Politicker about why he thinks Twitter feuds are worth his time and energy.

The Ensuing Three Days would be 72 hours, minus 24 for sleep, so let’s call it 48. And how much is much?

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“Miss Universe organization is reconsidering its decision to ban transgender contestant Jenna Talackova from competing, after receiving criticism from equality activists and conservatives like Bill O’Reilly.” [ThinkProgress]

You know what? We really don’t care what Rick Santorum said about the lack of American History requirements at University of California campuses. We really don’t care that he got the claim from a Wall Street Journal op-ed, which based it on a wingnut academic report, which is wrong because the University of California does require American History.

We really don’t care, because after chasing it all down, and realizing that it’s barely a third-rate Santorum Outrage! to begin with, all we want to do is hit Spider-Man with a stick.

Which nobody should want to do. Even after the third movie.

Give us a hug, Spider-Man. And cough up the fucking candy before we change our mind.