You know what? We really don’t care what Rick Santorum said about the lack of American History requirements at University of California campuses. We really don’t care that he got the claim from a Wall Street Journal op-ed, which based it on a wingnut academic report, which is wrong because the University of California does require American History.

We really don’t care, because after chasing it all down, and realizing that it’s barely a third-rate Santorum Outrage! to begin with, all we want to do is hit Spider-Man with a stick.

Which nobody should want to do. Even after the third movie.

Give us a hug, Spider-Man. And cough up the fucking candy before we change our mind.

“She’ll reveal a different side of her than you’ve seen before.” —The Today Show website, promoting Sarah Palin’s guest-hosting appearance Tuesday. [CNN]

Our guest tweeter is a former editor of former website Cynics Party, now writing for the New York Observer. We are skipping the responses, because it’s more fun this way.

Read more »

Our guest colloquists are the host of a Green Bay radio station and the daughter-in-law of a former Michigan governor recently called a “clown”.

WBAL: “One of the things, Ann Romney, that folks talk about with your husband, Mitt Romney, and I’ve seen him in casual conversation — he comes off very smooth and okay. But sometimes he comes off stiff. Do you have to fight back some criticism, like ‘My husband isn’t stiff, OK?'”

ANN ROMNEY: “Well, you know, I guess we better unzip him and let the real Mitt Romney out, because he is not!”

Ann Romney Says Campaign Will ‘Unzip’ the Real Mitt [ABC]

The Pew Research Center’s Project for Excellence in Journalism — so confident of itself that it goes by Journalism.org — dropped this jewel Friday on an unwitting Internet:

Moreover, the [Trayvon] Martin story has been a much bigger story on MSNBC, whose talk show hosts are liberal, and a much smaller story on Fox, whose prime time lineup leans conservative.

Whatever it was that the Pew Research Center’s Project for Excellence in Journalism planned on telling us after that, we quickly lost interest. Mainly because of our sudden alarm that the staff of the Pew Research Center’s Project for Excellence in Journalism has been abducted by aliens and replaced with sentient vegetables.

Read more »

Title: “Learn How To Increase Your Chances of Winning The Lottery”

Author: Richard Lustig

Rank: 69

Blurb: “Richard discusses the ins and outs and dos and don’ts of buying lottery tickets to increase your chances of winning. He has created a method that he and members of his family use that has enabled them to WIN several lottery game GRAND prizes.”

Review: “He doesnt have a secret noone can predict how the numbers will fall. DONT WASTE YOUR MONEY. i am getting my money back.”

Customers Also Bought: Twenty-five other lottery books ranging from $4.95 to $24.50.

Footnote: Sell the shovels.

Learn How To Increase Your Chances of Winning The Lottery [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

We usually ignore political ads — unless they’re really, really silly — but this entry, from Karl Rove’s Billionaire Boys Club, caught our attention. It’s supposed to frighten us that The Preznident of These United States is selling us out to the Russkies. But every time we watch it, he comes off looking fucking cool. Might be the tux. Or the counterproductive insistence that Barack Obama is really 007.