Ann Romney Discusses Sexual Performance in the White House

Our guest colloquists are the host of a Green Bay radio station and the daughter-in-law of a former Michigan governor recently called a “clown”.

WBAL: “One of the things, Ann Romney, that folks talk about with your husband, Mitt Romney, and I’ve seen him in casual conversation — he comes off very smooth and okay. But sometimes he comes off stiff. Do you have to fight back some criticism, like ‘My husband isn’t stiff, OK?'”

ANN ROMNEY: “Well, you know, I guess we better unzip him and let the real Mitt Romney out, because he is not!”

Ann Romney Says Campaign Will ‘Unzip’ the Real Mitt [ABC]

@ManchuCandidate: I dunno. If he isn’t stiff when you unzip him, Viagra won’t want him.

Magic underpants have zippers? I thought they were tied together with string or something like that.

All Mitt needs to do is walk onstage, proclaim “I have five sons”, and drop the mic.

TJ/ Whoa. Is a politician allowed to own a newspaper, or in the case of Philadelphia, two? How is this okay?

@Lost in the Negative Space: Sorry — looks like a politician’s relative bought it.

@Lost in the Negative Space: The First Amendment was conceived in an era when politicians owned all newspapers. The newspapers we know are a creation of the mid-19th century.

Reminds me of the famous Johnny Carson / Mrs. Arnold Palmer interview.

Johnny: Do you do anything special to bring him luck when he plays?

Mrs: Why yes, I kiss his balls before every match.

@nojo: Tying it back to the Founders, if the father of Sally Hemmings’s children might have been a male relative of Tommy’s, then, well, RomJaw might not come straight from the Mitt. Pioneer-stock Mormons also have that Amish issue of making issue with issue close to home.

@Dodgerblue: I’m not sure this is apocryphal, but the reason Johnny got into trouble was his last line:

“I’ll bet that makes his putter stand up!”

@Lost in the Negative Space: I didn’t bother with it, but last week there was a story that the Mormons post-baptized Mr. Jefferson and Miss Hemmings together.

@nojo: They SEALED them? Like, there’s baptism for the dead, and then there’s sealing (polygamy in heaven kinda thing).

@nojo: I think the “putter” line is apocryphal. I have seen the Ed Ames tomahawk throw many times, tho.

@Dodgerblue: Snopes throws cold water on the entire exchange.

@Dodgerblue: Okay, deep dive…

You may remember an album of TV and radio bloopers offered in the early ’70s. I bought it, and still have it — right in front of me. It purported to include the actual audio:

The material in this recording is authentic and was gathered from kinescopes, sound tracks, video tapes and other boni-fide [sic] sources.

Kermit Schafer may have vouched for it, but it didn’t take long for me to realize that most of the audio was re-created — a crushing disappointment once you hear it.

So, the Mrs. Palmer exchange is on the album. But it’s not Mrs. Palmer. And, according to Snopes, it never was.

@nojo: Thanks. And all this is a fucking lie:

Mueller notes that this ritual does not technically make the deceased person a Mormon. Rather, it gives Hemings and other deceased individuals, “the opportunity to obtain salvation.” In Mormon belief, those who receive the posthumous baptism are then allowed to choose whether they accept the invitation. Mueller also goes into further detail about the politics surrounding the process of proxy baptisms and how the LDS church has attempted to crack down on individuals performing this ritual on people not directly connected to their own family’s ancestry.

Trust me.

If the Mormons are right, we’re all going to have a chance to convert whether we’re baptized or not. And if you are dead dunked and then denounce the Holy Spirrrrrut, you are a Son of Perdition and go to Outer Darkness. I think that’s like having your space suit tether cut.

@nojo: Snopes makes life less fun. You could make up fucking anything before Snopes. But Snopes is a great way to embarrass stop your mom from sending out blast emails about cell phone numbers being published.

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