We stand by our judgment that Sarah Palin is only maintaining a pretense of running for President in order to keep her speaking fees and bendy straws flowing. We say this despite the fact that we would really, really, really enjoy such a development:

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“A 3.6 magnitude earthquake rattled the Washington area early Friday, with thousands of residents reporting that they felt the ground shake as they slept or were waking. The U.S. Geological Survey said the quake was centered in Montgomery County and struck at 5:04 a.m.” [WaPo]

Yesterday Glenn Beck went on Bill O’Reilly’s show, and the usual hilarity and asshattery ensued.

The highlight, however, was when Glenn Beck came out of the closet as a fashionista to criticize Michelle Obama’s sartorial choice when she recently toured a Florida beach, describing her outfit as “an outrage” and the “most Marie Antoinette ever” because there was a black pattern on her shirt.  Beck said that he felt her dress was mocking people who had been affected by the oil spill. (Note to Glenn: it’s an “outfit,” not a “dress”).  Then he closes out with a tirade about how the White House garden is socialist because there are too many red vegetables. (Note to Glenn: tomatoes are a fruit, not a vegetable).

Glenn Beck Calls Michelle Obama ‘Marie Antoinette’

If you can’t bear to watch the clip of asshattery, here’s Shelley Oh’s ensemble.

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Sarah Palin is not running for President.

We apologize for bringing this up, but the chatter’s been unavoidable elsewhere this week, and we’re not above sharing our pain.

She gave up any fantasy of running — if she ever entertained it — on April 3, 2009, when she abdicated the throne of Alaska. Or, to use one those folksy expressions she loves to tweet: She quit.

Ain’t no way any opponent of hers would let that one slide.

Not only did she quit, she quit so she could make a shitload of money. Which she’s proving very successful at, thank you very much. And we know how much she and First Separatist love their shopping sprees.

It’s a good life. Why clutter it with responsibility? Been there, done that.

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Pointing out that Obama is half white and half black isn’t racist … noooo ….

“I’ve got this thing and it’s (expletive) golden. And I’m just not giving it up for (expletive) nothing.” Get this and other Blago Greatest Shits as convenient new ringtones! Or just wait until someone else creates non-bleeped versions. [State Journal-Register, via Political Wire]