In the wake of such crowd-pleasers as live-action versions of The Flintstones, Scooby-Doo and Howard the Duck, Robert Zemeckis will be shitting on what’s left of your childhood with a motion-capture remake of Yellow Submarine for Disney. Actors will be donning ping-pong-laden bodysuits for the film, which could be almost as trippy as a Peter Max animation, but probably not. Especially without drugs.

As news of the film breaks, psychologists are already lining up to offer expensive withdrawal programs for depressed filmgoers unable to cope with a reality that doesn’t include floating talking hands.

Robert Zemeckis finds Beatles for ‘Yellow Submarine’ [Hollywood Reporter]

John McCain loves his country so much:

• Palin was chosen—over a dinner of “deep fried burritos”—out of “desperation” when the campaign realized Joe Lieberman was no longer an option.
• McCain’s campaign manager found Palin while scouring the Internet for potential female candidates—and the book alleges that her background check consisted of one lawyer searching the Internet.

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Yeah, body scanners will solve all our problems:

(AP) A passenger inadvertently carried shotgun shells onto a Dallas-bound Midwest Airlines plane at Milwaukee’s airport on Monday before he realized his mistake and alerted flight attendants, authorities said.

The man, who was not identified, did not mean any harm, saying he had forgotten that the ammunition was in his carryon bags when he boarded the flight, Transportation Security Administration spokesman Jim Fotenos said.

An MSNBC report said that the passengers were upset that the TSA didn’t search the plane before it took off in case the man had secreted something.

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We’d like to take this moment to observe that neither Democrats, Republicans, Progressives, nor Teabaggers — nay, even Sarah Palin — have a finger on the pulse of the nation. Otherwise they all would have been talking about something else yesterday.

Update: Conan quits. Sort of.

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Apparently some fans of an immersive blockbuster 3-D movie are having trouble stepping out of the pool when the film ends:

On the fan forum site “Avatar Forums,” a topic thread entitled “Ways to cope with the depression of the dream of Pandora being intangible,” has received more than 1,000 posts from people experiencing depression and fans trying to help them cope. The topic became so popular last month that forum administrator Philippe Baghdassarian had to create a second thread so people could continue to post their confused feelings about the movie…

Other fans have expressed feelings of disgust with the human race and disengagement with reality.

Well, that’s pretty much our adult life. Without the glasses.

Audiences experience ‘Avatar’ blues [CNN]

Usually I read Jalopnik because of the car reviews, the photographs of old cars, and due to the fact that I’m an incurable gearhead. But now they offer Teabaggers too? Best site EVAR (save this one):

Detroit Auto Show Attracts World’s Worst Protesters [Jalopnik]

[People]