From tonight’s show:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIaAL9FcL_k

When Fox News starts to encroach upon the Christianist, theocratic, ideological space that was formerly the province of Pat Robertson’s 700 Club, one begins to wonder: what does this mean for the 700 Club? How does Pat Robertson distinguish his “TV ministry” from what has now become the conservative mainstream? Well today Robertson answered that question the way only he can: by making an outrageous proclamation that, once again, leaves no doubt as to the man’s clinical insanity. In the wake of a devastating earthquake in Haiti that has left possibly 100,000 or more dead, Robertson informed his viewership that the reason for the earthquake lies in a pact with the Devil that Haitians made in the 18th century to free themselves of Colonial rule. No, seriously. I shit you not:

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Actually, this has nothing to do with Todd, at least not directly. But we can’t get Big Lebowski references out of our head, not with Sarah Palin heading to Vegas to pick up a hundred grand for squawking at a bowling-industry convention, and not with her efforts to deny she thought Saddam was behind 9/11.

And what goes with Saddam and bowling? Drinks!

“Governor Palin is a great supporter of America’s free enterprise system and understands that industries like the beverage alcohol industry play a key role in driving our national economy. We’re proud and honored to welcome her as a speaker,” stated Craig Wolf, WSWA’s president and CEO. “We expect she will share with the convention attendees her analysis of the current political environment and her vision for America’s future,” Wolf added.

Mark your calendars for April 6-8, at Caesars. Slip the usher a sawbuck for good seats at the tit show.

WSWA Secures Sarah Palin as Keynote Speaker at 2010 Convention [Wine & Spirits Wholesalers of America]

No hospitals (all destroyed or abandoned) no power, no water, no air traffic control … and, from all I’ve gathered, there’s nothing left of Port au Prince – the quake could not have occurred in a worse place.

[ MSNBC Flash video not available. ]

Probably the best, safest way to donate is text ‘HAITI’ to 90999 – sends ten dollars to the Red Cross for Haiti (appears on your phone bill).

We’ll let Ned Beatty open our proceedings with an invocation:

“You have meddled with the primal forces of nature!”

That’s what happens when you fuck with one of the last institutions of American broadcasting. NBC did it once before, when they threw over Dave for Jay, and they’re doing it again with the botched reverse-transition from Jay to Conan to Jay.

But this isn’t really about Jay or Dave or Conan. It’s about Johnny. And Sigourney’s dad.

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(AP Photo/Radio Tele Ginen)

7.3 on the Richter scale – this is big:

Haiti’s presidential palace and numerous other government buildings in the country’s capital Port-au-Prince collapsed after the tremor. A hospital was also flattened, with reports that patients were buried under the rubble.

Haiti’s ambassador to Washington, Raymond Alcide Joseph, told CNN: “My country is facing a major catastrophe.”

Thousands Feared Dead in ‘Total Disaster’ [Telegraph.co.uk]

Sarah plain and stupid debuted on Fox tonight: