Nobody wants to pay top dollar for the pieces of Big Shitpile still held by European banks:

(The banks want to sell their assets near “par”–the value the banks are carrying the assets for on their books–because then the banks won’t have to take losses that would further deplete their capital. The buyers, meanwhile, want deals, and they know that time is working in their favor.)

So now that banks are moving to Plan B, says Gore, which is financial engineering.

Specifically, the banks are packaging up bunches of crap assets, putting pretty bows on the packages, and then using the packages as “collateral” with which to obtain emergency loans from the ECB.

And as Spain, Italy, and Greece circle the drain, Britain is warning its expats to expect, of all things, riots when the Euro collapses:

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Title: “Being George Washington: The Indispensable Man, as You’ve Never Seen Him”

Author: Glenn Beck

Rank: 30

Blurb: “If Washington had been perfect, then there would be no way to build another one.”

Review: “George Washington is America’s hero who belongs to us all regardless of your political persuasion. The only exclusion to the Washington hero rule would be Kenyan born, Indonesian trained Marxists and people with names like Piven, Sunstein and Jones amongst some other sad-sack pinkos.”

Customers Also Bought: “The Question of Freemasonry and the Founding Fathers” by David Barton

Footnote: The 1776 Glenne Becke would more likely use a blackboard to show how the subversive domestic terrorists were backed by a foreign power with a suspicious religion.

Being George Washington [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

Ladies and gentlemen, we have a new champion:

[via Gawker]

America’s not just about pepper-spray-enhanced “competitive shopping” — it’s also about good ol’ fashioned mêlées over two-dollar waffle makers. You can’t help but love America. But only at a safe distance.

[via @m_weber]

Our guest Black Friday columnist says that mixing firearms and alcohol makes a great gift idea!

Dear NRA Member,

Welcome to the NRA Wine Club powered by Vinesse. The NRA Wine Club offers you the finest selections in great wine finds; selections that are all backed by a 100% guarantee of satisfaction.

Support the National Rifle Association and America’s second Amendment rights by purchasing your wine through the NRA Wine Club and have the convenience of home delivery on the finest wines that vineyards all over the world have to offer.

Your purchase will directly benefit the NRA’s continuing support of America’s Right to Keep and Bear Arms and the other basic freedoms of the American Culture. The NRA Wine Club has been founded on these principals and is bringing you the finest wines that are available.

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If I ever have enough people over to justify buying a gigantic bird, here’s what I will do:

On a day of cultivating gratitude, I present to you some very happy and grateful dogs.

First, the stray dog in Afghanistan who made friends with a U.S. Marine and joined him in SoCal today:

And if you want your brain to splatter into little pieces, check out the litter of puppehs found at the recycling center in Watsonville:

P.S. Happy birthday, PromNight!