“By 10am it emerged that Mr Perkins had single-handedly moved the global price of oil to an eight-month high during a ‘drunken blackout’. Prices leapt by more than $1.50 a barrel in under half an hour at around 2am — the kind of sharp swing caused by events of geo-political significance. Ten times the usual volume of futures contracts changed hands in just one hour.” [Telegraph UK, via Daring Fireball]

[National Enquirer]

Joe Scarborough: “So many Republicans tell me this is a guy that is not the hardest worker in the world. After 5 o’clock, 6 o’clock at night, he is disengaged at best. You can see him around town. He does not have, let’s say, the work hours of Newt Gingrich… Every Republican I talk to says John Boehner by 5 or 6 o’clock at night, you can see him at bars.” [ThinkProgress]

Our guest columnist this morning is The Onion, for reminding us why we haven’t been able to listen to NPR for twenty years, even if we did slip in a Duck’s Breath gag Monday.

And no, we don’t know what makes a three-year-old piece suddenly relevant, but Kottke linked to it, and Kottke’s on the Time 100 list of Blogs That Aren’t Stinque, so he must be doing something right.

CHICAGO—Producers of the long-running Chicago Public Radio program This American Life announced Monday that they have completed their comprehensive 12-year survey of life as a modern upper-middle-class American.

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How much longer will red states send manifest idiots to represent them in the world’s greatest deliberative body?

So it’s come to this. The moment for which you’ve worked your whole life.  You’re representing your country at the World Cup, have exceeded expectations for your team and survived to the elimination round of 16. Your team battles a better South American team to a nil-nil tie after regular time, and play an additional 30 minutes.  Still nil-nil, so the only way to settle the game is with penalty kicks.

The other team goes first. They score on your goalie. Your teammate takes a kick and scores on their goalie. And so it goes until the bottom of the third set when it’s your turn.

You’re a defensive player, and you’ve never scored a goal in your career but your coach told you to go take the shot. You line up the ball. You ask the spirit of your grandparents to watch over you. And then you take the shot…

…and you hit the crossbar and the ball doesn’t go in. Your team loses because of your missed shot.

There is no reason to go on with life. The shame, the embarrassment, the dishonor to your country. What can give you reason to go on living?

Yuichi Komano of Japan, come on down because you are the Stinque World Cup Hottie of the Day!

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“Key Senate Democrats offered, during a White House meeting with President Barack Obama and skeptical Republicans on Tuesday, to scale back their ambitious plans to cap greenhouse gases across multiple sectors of the economy.” [Politico]