Conservatives, sociopaths, and other GOP criminals are currently attending CPAC.  NPR tells me that anybody interested in the 2012 Republican preznit nod speaks there as a matter of course.  Yesterday it was Fuckabee . Today it’s Mittens and some other shitbag whose name I forgot. Joe the Plumber is, of course, holding court and spouting the usual shit.

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Can you imagine the desperation of these assclowns? 

The ubiquitous Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher, aka “Joe the Plumber” and “Joe the War Correspondent,” will soon add a new moniker to his profile — “Joe the Economist.” Politico reports that House GOP congressional aides decided to invite Wurzelbacher to a meeting on the stimulus in hopes that it will attract some media attention.

Yes, I know, he managed not to get himself killed or kidnapped when he was in Gaza.

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“Joe” the “Plumber”:

I’ll be honest with you. I don’t think journalists should be anywhere allowed war. I mean, you guys report where our troops are at. You report what’s happening day to day. You make a big deal out of it. I think it’s asinine. You know, I liked back in World War I and World War II when you’d go to the theater and you’d see your troops on, you know, the screen and everyone would be real excited and happy for’em. Now everyone’s got an opinion and wants to downer–and down soldiers. You know, American soldiers or Israeli soldiers.

Reminds me of Michelle Bachman.

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While most of the media has decided it’s time to start ignoring Joe the Plumber, who is the most famous person in America or maybe even the whole universe, I will continue to follow him because I am a starfucker.
Joe’s official website is up. It’s called SecureourFreedom.com, which sounds exactly like many of the empty slogans that have marked the last eight years, but is different because the web site is awesome.  I highly recommend you visit every day.

Joe’s web site, which appears to have been developed in 1995, has exciting sections like, “Joe the Forum”, which is empty, “Joe in the Media” – empty- and Joe the Blogger, which is empty except for an add for Joe the Plumber’s forthcoming book. The book, called “Joe the Plumber: Fighting for the American Dream”, is ghostwritten by Samuel J. Wurzelbacher and some other no-name, and is also available in the “Joe the Shopper” section of the site. To make a long story short, Joe the Plumber is the most dynamic innovator on the internet and he is the real change we can believe in. [Secureourfreedom.com]

. . .all I know is that a simple question has turned my life upside down and more people know about me than Obama,” claimed the ordinary-looking American, wearing sports pajamas and T-shirt.

I couldn’t tell you what Sports Pajamas are, but Joe the Slumber Party Guest thinks he’s still a big deal, because he is more of an Important American Celebrity than President Elect whatshisname (it’s something foreign sounding, I think, like Balack Balamawama).  Wurzelbacher plans to set up an Internet Web Site -for which job he’s already nailed the wardrobe- that will serve as both a political watchdog and a charity.  While I would say that these are not very new niches to be exploiting, none of the existing web sites are attached to the very famous name of Samuel Joe the Plumber; he will obviously make millions off this charity business idea.

I don’t know what they would do with that kind of money, but I know what I will do with that amount. I will give more of the money to various charities for various noble causes because I am a modest and simple-living person and love to spend my fortunes on missionary things.

Yes, these are actual quotes.  And yes, Joe the Plumber will now redistribute wealth to missionary things, which is dirty. He is in the tank for Socialist President-Elect Balamalama. Read more »

I’m beginning to think that the most dynamic, persuasive ticket for the 2012 election is going to be a Sarah Palin/ Joe the Plumber partnership. Sam Joe Wurzelbacher the Plumber has all of the electioneering skills of Sarah Palin, beginning with the basics:

Wurzelbacher was doing everything you do on the campaign trail. You know, shaking hands, talking to people, kissing babies, taking pictures. . .

Three of those four things make him more competent than the average voter.  Add this to his $250,000 earnings, and that would make him an elitist.  However, this shouldn’t hurt him too much, since Joe’s elitism is white elitism, and the bitters typically only fear black people who are better than them  (which is why Gary Coleman failed to win the governorship in California).

Anyway, Joe Plumber was on the campaign trail with Sarah Palin in Ohio today.  And he showed us he has what it takes to be VP: Read more »