Saint Ronnie’s coming to the Fifty, if North Carolina’s Patrick McHenry has his way. We’d settle for Reagan on a three-dollar bill, just to validate one of our friend’s favorite sayings.

Proposal would put Ronald Reagan’s face on the $50 bill [LAT, via ThinkProgress]

We do our best to ignore Liz Cheney, in part because we haven’t yet figured out why anybody else pays attention to her. But with the release of her fearmongering group’s latest video, impugning the motives of lawyers who defended Gitmo detainees — calling them the “Al Qaeda Seven” — we’re forced to reveal our theory for her prominence:

Liz Cheney is a living Horcrux.

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With DC’s gay-marriage law coming into effect Wednesday, Catholic Charities faced a dilemma: Do the right thing, or act like shitheads?

Hey, don’t get ahead of us:

Starting Tuesday, Catholic Charities will not offer benefits to spouses of new employees or to spouses of current employees who are not already enrolled in the plan. A letter describing the change in health benefits was e-mailed to employees Monday, two days before same-sex marriage will become legal in the District.

“We looked at all the options and implications,” said the charity’s president, Edward J. Orzechowski. “This allows us to continue providing services, comply with the city’s new requirements and remain faithful to the church’s teaching.”

We’d be curious to know whether they previously withheld benefits to Protestants or remarried Catholics, but we don’t have time today to shoot fish in a barrel.

Same-sex marriage leads Catholic Charities to adjust benefits [WaPo]

Is Jim Bunning through with his private elevator rides yet? No? Well, fine. Let’s enjoy some super slo-mo doggies jumping for treats while we wait.

Dems United, Republicans Split, By Bunning Benefits Blockade [TPM]

Talks under way on jobless benefit deal, senator says [CNN]

Back in 2003, GOP Rep. Sue Myrick declared that the danger to America from convenience stores wasn’t their hot dogs, but their owners:

“You know, and this can be misconstrued, but honest to goodness [my husband] Ed and I for years, for 20 years, have been saying, ‘You know, look at who runs all the convenience stores across the country.’ Every little town you go into, you know?”

Well, heck, we were all running around with buttplugs stuck up our arseholes back then. Only Sue couldn’t let it go, doubling down last year with a foreword to WorldNetDaily’s Muslim Mafia book.

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Much to our consternation, it turns out that our favorite Obama photo — Smokin’ Barry — is a fake.

On the other hand, much to the hoaxter’s consternation, the fake backfired.

Presuming, of course, that the intent was to discredit Obama before a nation of Rob Reiners. Because the doctored photo actually endeared Obama to a nation of exiled sidewalk smokers. Hey! He’s one of us! Or if not quite one of us, one of our Blue Note album covers! Close enough!

Sure, Barry can’t bowl for shit, but at least he can handle his Camels. And that’s all we ask.

Continuing pattern, Fox Nation posts “hoax” photo of Obama smoking [Media Matters]

Barack Obama Smoking [Museum of Hoaxes]

White powder found at IRS building in Ogden, Utah:

Hazmat crews were called to the IRS building in Farr West Monday…

Two people were removed from the building on stretchers.

Details are few right now. Phone calls to the IRS are being directed to the FBI, which has not yet released any information.

Wingnut Facebook celebrations going live in 3-2-1…

Update from MSNBC:

Two people were taken out of the building on stretchers for “medical emergencies,” but their conditions “do not appear to be related to this incident,” said the the FBI, which is leading the investigation. It released no further details.

MSNBC also reports that “several people were subjected to decontamination showers.”

Hazmat called to IRS facility in Farr West [KSL, via ThinkProgress]

Hazmat crews respond to Utah IRS office [MSNBC]

Late update: Whatever the substance was, it was “non-hazardous.” You may now return to your regular paranoia.