Daddy’s Little Girl
We do our best to ignore Liz Cheney, in part because we haven’t yet figured out why anybody else pays attention to her. But with the release of her fearmongering group’s latest video, impugning the motives of lawyers who defended Gitmo detainees — calling them the “Al Qaeda Seven” — we’re forced to reveal our theory for her prominence:
Liz Cheney is a living Horcrux.
It involves complicated Dark Magic, but at some point in the past forty-three years, Dick Cheney killed a man, thereby splitting his own soul. (Granted, this requires that Dick Cheney has a soul, which remains in dispute.) By depositing part of that soul in his daughter, Dick himself cannot be killed — which explains how he has survived multiple heart attacks.
But as students of the subject know, a single Horcrux is weak insurance towards infernal immortality. And we indeed have evidence that Dick Cheney attempted to create a second Horcrux — although Harry Whittington lived.
The final part of our theory is self-evident: Liz Cheney, like her father, speaks Parseltongue, the language of snakes. We hear only hissing, but to the demons of our polity they both make perfect sense.
Cheney group questions loyalty of Justice lawyers [Politico]
Ex-Chief Military Commissions Prosecutor Defends Slandered DOJ Attorneys [Washington Independent]
Isn’t it more about money? Finding a dead horse and then flogging it?
I’m still in a bit of a psuedo morphine haze today. Plus I really really hate Butterfly Kisses (way too sappy and kind of creepy.)
There’s two things I know for sure:
She was sent here by Satan and she’s
daddy’s little girl.
As I drop to my knees by her bed at night
She talks about death and I close my eyes and
I thank Baal for all the blood in my life
Oh, but most of all
For jabbing hot pokers into bedtime feast;
putting hot needles all up on her
dolls “Walk beside the pony, Daddy, it’s my first kill.”
“I know he looks tasty, Daddy, but I sure tried.”
In all that I’ve done wrong I know I must
have done something right to deserve a punch
every morning and hot pokers for fun at night.
Sweet 16 today
She’s looking like her mama a little more everyday
One part woman, the other part troll.
To perfume and make-up from ribbons and curls
Trying her fangs out in a great big world.
But I remember
Jabbing Hot Pokers into her bedtime feast
Sticking white needles all up in her dolls.
“You know how much I love you, Daddy, But if you
don’t mind I’m only gonna shoot you in the face this time.”
With all that I’ve done wrong I must have done
something right to deserve her hate every morning
and hot pokers for fun at night.
All the precious time
Like the wind, the years go by.
Spread your wings and kill
She’ll change her name today.
She’ll make a promise and I’ll give her away.
Standing in the bride-room just staring at her.
She asked me what I’m thinking and I said “I’m not
sure-I just feel like I’m losing my baby girl.”
She leaned over…stuck me with hot pokers for fun with her mama there,
Sticking white hot needles all up in her man
“Walk my down the aisle, Daddy-it’s just about time.”
“Does my Torture Suit look pretty, Daddy? Daddy, don’t cry!”
Oh, with all I’ve done right I must have
done something wrong
To deserve your hate every morning and hot pokers for fun
I couldn’t ask Baal for more, man this is what hate is.
I know I gotta let her go, but I’ll always remember
every punch in the morning and hot pokers for fun.
that ad honestly leaves me speechless.
God forbid someone should actually have the gall to defend the defendants in a kangaroo court show trial. Don’t these assholes get it? It defeats the whole purpose of setting up kangaroo courts and holding show trials. Where the hell is Stalin when you need him, there was a man who knew how to stage a show trial.
I think she has more in common with the queen of hearts.
I saw this yesterday, but I still can’t bring myself to click on play. I’m afraid I’ll be so enraged I won’t be able to maintain this thin veneer of civility that allows me to earn a decent living and sustain a cordial, if somewhat chilly, relationship with much of my family.
I wonder about the timing, though, as the Samantar case goes before the SCOTUS today. Is Liz really that worried that Daddy might actually have to face justice for his crimes? I thought that only happened to other people.
What is the point of this ad? Do they seriously think that anybody is paying attention to anything connected to the word “Cheney”? Or are they so lost in Wingnuttia that they actually think they have a real platform?
@Tommmcatt Say Relax:
you saw the reception he got at CPAC right?
they have an audience.
Breaking/Edwards grand jury indictment?
politicalwire via fb:
The National Enquirer, which seems to be the newspaper of record on the John Edwards scandal, reports the former senator and presidential candidate is about to be indicted by a grand jury.
Read more: http://politicalwire.com/archives/2010/03/03/edwards_to_be_indicted.html#ixzz0h8NaTecA
Good. And good riddance.
@redmanlaw: That’s just wrong. Wrong!!!
Honey, you can stop defending him. He’s not gonna call. Men like him never do afterward.
I’m here for you if you need to cry it out.
@Tommmcatt Say Relax: But he SWORE to me I was different. Right before I wrote that cheque he said he’d never felt this way before about anyone. He said I could call him Coach. And that he was gonna keep my cheque safe in his hair product bag. I mean, he really meant it. I know he did!!!!
I know. Get it all out…
@Tommmcatt Say Relax: I just feel so used. That’s the last time I ever trust a man with better hair than me.
@Benedick: If it’s any consolation, he pulled the same con on all of us. That one had a sucker in every port, such as.
/TJ/ Non-pigfucking Christian alert! Georgetown Methodist church to defy a denominational ban and marry same-sex couples.
This story gives me warm fuzzies because I currently attend a United Methodist church that would dearly love to do likewise, but we have a young pastor from Georgia who would face added risks from her southern superiors (i.e. getting canned and also possibly defrocked) if we did so. So our solution has been to decide that no one can get married in our church until everyone can. I’m proud that we’ve at least taken that step, considering how many other church have taken no action on the matter even if they’re in favor of marriage equality.
@flippin eck: C@flippin eck: Caned? Harsh.
Cool case name from today’s legal research: Navajo Nation v. Jesus
@flippin eck: Awesome. If any morans decide to protest, I’ll show up to counter-protest.
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