This, apparently, is real:

On Saturday, July 23 the first 1,501 fans 18 and over in attendance will receive a commemorative pair of Tweeting Wiener Boxer Shorts. The boxers will honor National Hot Dog Day with an image on the front of a blue bird taking a photo of a Wiener with his phone.

If you’re wondering whether this will ever end, remember that we’re still talking about a blowjob from 1998.

Saints Ring in National Hot Dog Day with Tweeting Wiener [OurSportsCentral, via Twitter]

[NRO]

Inexplicably popular GOP presidential candidate Herman Cain wants to clarify something. When he said that he would not appoint a Muslim to his cabinet, what he meant was that he would be uncomfortable appointing a member of Al Qaeda to his cabinet:

[ Crooks & Liars Flash video not available. ]

A breath of fresh air, we say! Would that all presidential candidates informed us that they don’t plan on appointing any memebers of Al Qaeda to their cabinet! But alas, political correctness forbids it.

Meanwhile, sources who wish to remain anonymous tell Stinque that Governor Tim Pawlenty is preparing a major policy speech in which he will announce that he will not be appointing any serial killers to his cabinet. It has also been widely rumored that Romney advisors are urging him to announce on Meet The Press this Sunday that he will not appoint any one to the Supreme Court who has been convicted (even just once) of child molestation. 

The ball’s in your court, Barack Obama!

(Via Crooks and Liars)

Desperate for a break from the Shlongathon — Did anything happen yesterday? Yes. Yes it did. — Lefties have decided to make an example of Eric Bolling of Fox Business Network, who—

Hold on. Show of hands: Who here knows who Eric Bolling is? Uh-huh. And who has seen Fox Business? Mmmmkay. And who has even heard of Fox Business? Right.

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One so deplores the insistence on winning! As if it were bounceyball. Or tightpantsball. To take our minds off The Book of Mormon winning everything in sight (hello! no surprise) and Warhorse being Best Play (compared to what? How come The Normal Heart was Best Revival? Has it been produced on Broadway before? I think not. Of course it’s dreadful writing, Kramer can’t write for shit, but was effective agit-prop for its time and is just the kind of tripe the Tony voters love to vote for—but that’s not why we’re here. Let’s talk about important stuff. Stuff that concerns real Americans like you and… well, other people. What is this insistence the theatre is somehow gay? Where did that come from? Harvey Fierstein? Yes, it involves a certain amount of prancing about in tights or sailor suits but, I ask you, what’s gay about that? It could be a Republican fund raiser almost anywhere. Anyhow, that’s not why we’re here. We don’t have to talk about the Tonys. Which is just as well because no one here watched it. So if Cheyenne Jackson whipped out his whanger and dick-slapped Neil Patrick Harris (Pause) none of us would know. Because none of us watched it. And I think that’s a good thing. As Beijing goes Rogers & Hammerstein all the time America goes Huh?).

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Rick Perry, who’s rumored to be considering a challenge to Mitt Romney for Best GOP Candidate Hair, wants America to return to Biblical Microeconomics:

I think in America from time to time we have to go through some difficult times — and I think we’re going through those difficult economic times for a purpose, to bring us back to those Biblical principles of you know, you don’t spend all the money.

Veteran political handicapper Jesus H. Christ agrees:

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“An eccentric California salvage diver is fishing for proof that al Qaeda overlord Osama bin Laden is really dead… ‘I’m doing it because I am a patriotic American who wants to know the truth. I do it for the world,’ [Bill] Warren told The Post.” [NY Post, via TPM]