“A Judge has ruled that the legendary sex tape starring John Edwards and his mistress Rielle Hunter must be destroyed because, if unleashed, it could block out the sun and bring a thousand-year night to the Earth.” [Gawker]

Mrs. Frothy Mix explains how the Lord guided Mr. Lube & Fecal Matter to run for Preznident of These United States:

“I did always feel in my heart that God had big plans for Rick. Eventually it was there, tugging at my heart. When Obamacare passed, that was it. That put the fire in my belly.”

“Fire in my belly”? Finally, an excuse to run that Santorum video we missed the first time.

Karen Santorum: husband’s presidential run is ‘God’s will’ [WaPo]

“I drive a Mustang and a Chevy pickup truck. Ann drives a couple of Cadillacs.” —Mitt Romney in Detroit today, describing the automobiles typically found beneath his dog carrier. [BuzzFeed, via Political Wire]

Mitt Romney delivers a major economic address before a packed house at Detroit’s Ford Stadium.

Romney camp’s game plan: Make Ford Field look crowded [Detroit Free Press, via Political Wire]

Photo: @ByronYork [via ThinkProgress]

Our guest columnist is the Asian American Journalists Association, advising Our Exceptional Nation’s Sportswriters that MSG should only refer to Madison Square Garden.

“CHINK”: Pejorative; do not use in a context involving an Asian person on someone who is Asian American. Extreme care is needed if using the well-trod phrase “chink in the armor”; be mindful that the context does not involve Asia, Asians or Asian Americans. (The appearance of this phrase with regard to Lin led AAJA MediaWatch to issue statement to ESPN, which subsequently disciplined its employees.)

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Our guest columnist is Bob Morris, Republican representative for the Great State of Indiana, who would like to take back the nasty things he said about Girl Scouts and say some other nasty things instead.

After reflecting on the letter I wrote on February 18, 2012 to my fellow Indiana Republican Representatives, I realize now that my words were emotional, reactionary, and inflammatory. For that I sincerely apologize. I apologize to the Girl Scouts of Indiana and all of the girls and parents of Indiana who are participating in and running their Girl Scout organizations in a way that promotes leadership, community involvement and family values. I certainly should not have painted the entire Girl Scouts organization with such a wide brush.

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“We’ve been culturally watered down to think we have to teach about sex, about having sex and how to get away with it, which is intellectually dishonest. Why don’t we just be honest with them upfront that sex outside marriage is devastating?” —Utah Republican Bill Wright, sponsor of an anti-sex ed bill that passed the state house Wednesday. [Salt Lake Tribune, via @pourmecoffee]