“Rockaway Township – A Superior Court judge today ruled a blind gun hobbyist from Rockaway Township who accidentally shot himself while cleaning a weapon may keep his collection. Judge Thomas Manahan, sitting in Morristown, ruled that Steven Hopler may keep the six handguns he still has in his home, but he must store them in a safe pending an evaluation of his alcohol use.” [nj.com]

Title: “Control: Exposing the Truth About Guns”

Author: Glenn Beck

Rank: 1

Blurb: “Glenn Beck presents a passionate, fact-based case for guns that reveals why gun control isn’t really about controlling guns at all; it’s about controlling us.”

Review: “I had to stop several times to try and figure out a sentence due to the messed up grammar or spelling.”

Customers Also Bought: “Behind the Green Mask: U.N. Agenda 21”

Footnote: Why is the American government inefficient at everything but tyranny?

Control [Amazon]

Buy or Die [Stinque@Amazon Kickback Link]

Yes, folks.  Did you think I wouldn’t come out of my undisclosed location to not celebrate the annual tradition of the Stinque Kentucky Derby Open Thread?  For shame.

It’s been busy here at Chicago Bureau World Headquarters.  Two solid months of writing, interrupted by (a) collapsing in a heap at the end of each work day, (b) hockey, and (c) getting a girlfriend.  But not so busy that the Derby fails to excite.

And it should be extra exciting this year, and not because of the copious amounts of bourbon used to make this refreshing drink here.  The reason for excitement is also cold and wet — the track.  Yes, we got a race in the SLOP!

This preview from the Guardian has video clips of the big names.  But 19 will run, so it’s about impossible to pick.  Unless you talk to a seasoned handicapper.  Who will still be wrong.

Going chalk this year with my picks — Revolutionary and Orb in an exacta box.  We’ll see.  But now — ALL RISE FOR THE DEGENERATE GAMBLER NATIONAL ANTHEM! (Doo-doo-doot doot doot, doot doot doot, doo-doo-doo-dooooot!)

Speaking at the graduation ceremony at Southern Virginia University, a Mormon college in Lynchburg, VA, failed Presidential candidate Mitt Romney advised the students there to get married as soon as possible and get busy making a “quiver-full of kids,”  because young people who wait until their 30s to marry are “going to miss so much of living.”

Mr. 53% went on to note that it’s okay to squeeze out the children even if you aren’t making money because “God doesn’t care if you’re rich.” Okay, good luck with that.

Mother Jones notes that the “quiver-full” reference is a nod to Psalm 127,  and a dog-whistle to the evangelical Christian Quiverfull movement that advocates a virulently anti-contraception position and embraces Biblical patriarchy.

Its followers see feminism as a slippery slope, starting with family planning—which is viewed as women taking unlawful ownership of a body that rightfully belongs to God—and ending with gay rights, abortion, divorce, and witchcraft (really).  Given their view of feminism as “a totally self-consistent system aimed at rejecting God’s role for women,” the movement’s leaders instead suggested a sort of Renaissance woman alternative for conservative Christians: They would be submissive wives, prolifically fertile mothers, and home-schoolers who train their children (especially their daughters) to grow up and do the same. The children of these families, the “arrows,” are the tools of spiritual warfare for a community that envisions a long-term campaign to win the culture wars demographically—by having more children than its opponents.

Thank the Flying Spaghetti Monster, we dodged a bullet in that election.

[MoJo: Mitt Romney’s Advice]

Bet you thought the NRA couldn’t find a spokesperson worse than Wayne Lapierre. You would be wrong:

Explaining the NRA’s roots during the same June 2012 speech, [Jim] Porter said, ‘NRA was started 1871 right here in New York state. It was started by some Yankee generals who didn’t like the way my Southern boys had the ability to shoot in what we call the ‘War of Northern Aggression.’ Now y’all might call it the Civil War, but we call it the ‘War of Northern Aggression’ down south.”

I’m sure he’ll be a reasonable voice in the gun debate.

Did you know that May is International Masturbation Month?

Well, what are you waiting for?

Get going, go on there and celebrate it!

[Good Vibrations via SFist]

Because why do anything to help people get jobs so they spend money so maybe the economy doesn’t tank again …

You can check out the further adventures of this asshole here.