GOP consultant on tape offering access to senior Bush officials for library gift [Politico]

[AP/Google]

We were considering calculating the wealth of this week’s guest list, but a bar graph comparing #5 with the others combined would end up looking like #3’s gag.

Meet the Press with Tim Russert: They updated the logo, but the title bar remains ghoulish. Or is that Carly Fiorina?

Face the Nation: If you hear everyone screaming out their windows, Schieffer finally cracked.

This Week: The Governator and George reenact the Twins poster.

Late Edition: McCain economic advisor Nancy Pfotenhauer challenges you to create limericks with her name.

Fox News Sunday: It’s not a swift boat unless it’s a T. Boone Pickens swift boat.

Guests and topics subject to change. Especially if Armageddon begins before airtime.

MTP, FTN, This Week, Late Edition, Some Things Are Priceless But You Can Be Bought

While the headline may inspire torrid fantasies of Freddy Rodríguez with a hot cadaver, this, alas, is much more tawdry. Seems some enterprising Wisconsin youths figured it was never too late, and set out for the graveyard to get their ghoulish freak on:

Police say the three men, carrying shovels, a crowbar and a box of condoms, went to a cemetery in southwestern Wisconsin in 2006 to dig up the body of [a 20-year-old woman] who had been killed the week before in a motorcycle crash.

The shovels worked, the crowbar didn’t, and they never got around to the rubbers — they couldn’t pry the casket open, and ran off when a car drove by. They were eventually caught and convicted — but they appealed on the claim that Wisconsin doesn’t outlaw sex with dead people.

And so, in a landmark ruling sure to be the highlight of next year’s bar exam, the Wisconsin Supreme Court declared this week that necrophilia is indeed a punishable offense.

Their reasoning? Corpses are unable to give consent.

Court: Wisconsin law bans sex with dead bodies [AP]

“You’ve heard of mental depression; this is a mental recession.”
  –Phil Gramm

• Somebody else farted in gym class.
• Those weren’t your grandparents wearing blue vests at Wal-Mart.
• When the levees failed in New Orleans, the federal government jumped to the city’s aid, mitigating what could have been an enduring major catastrophe.
• Mark David Chapman missed.
• Hinckley didn’t.
• The lawyer fired back.
• George Lucas was devoured by a pack of wild hyenas before he could begin production of Episode I.
• “Gentlemen, we can’t spy on our own citizens. That would be wrong.”
• Arrested Development begins its sixth season this fall.
• Al Gore won in 2000, followed by eight years of peace and prosperity.

Obama to McCain: We Don’t Need Another Dr. Phil [NYT]

My friends, I’d like to welcome you to this wonderful new technology provided by the Internet that shows how innovation can help lift our ec (20 minutes ago)

What the hell happened? (19 minutes ago)

You mean to tell me I can only type 140 characters? (17 minutes ago)

What about punctuation? (16 minutes ago)

Now let me get this straight. Is this a form of rationing? Are there only so many letters available? Can we drill the Internet for more? (14 minutes ago)

What about Obama? Does the media give him more characters? (11 minutes ago)

Why don’t I just write it on a napkin? Seems it would be just as effective. (8 minutes ago)

Okay, I’ll try it keeping it brief. Glory belongs to the act of being constant to something greater than yourself, to a cause, to your princ (5 minutes ago)

Fuck! (4 minutes ago)

Screw it. Nobody reads this shit anyway. (1 minute ago)

JohnMcCain2008 [Twitter]