Kelloggs won’t renew its deal with Michael Phelps because he took a bong hit?  Are you fucking kidding me?  Does Kelloggs have any fucking idea how many millions of boxes of Sugar Pops and Sugar Smacks (the real names for that shit) stoned people have eaten late at night?  Do they?

Stupid useless fucks.  Fuck them.  I’ll never eat Special K again.

And Tony the Tiger?  He’s nothing to me.

Back in the Dark Ages, before the Internet, before even cable, your vegging options were limited to the handful of television and radio stations in your area. This created a problem, since while your local monopoly newspaper had four or five sections to devote to ignoring you, your local broadcaster had scant minutes to ensure your voice was silenced.

And lo, the Federal Communications Commission decreed that if a crank said something disturbing on the air, equal time must be provided to an opposing crank to say something equally disturbing.

It was called the Fairness Doctrine, and whatever purpose it once served, it was a quaint relic by the time it was dropped in 1987. It’s long since been forgotten, like the idea of serious local news.

Well, almost.

Read more »

via D-Listed:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-DzY0TXL1g

David Ogden (that’s him in the picture, on the right), who President Obama has nominated to serve as deputy attorney general, is under fire from Republicans because, in the words of a former Bush Justice official:

Ogden has been an activist in support of a right to pornography, a right of abortion and the rights of homosexuals.

This is an extremely radical position of course, since the first two of those three things are rights we definitely already have. And even most of the Neanderthals who are against gay marriage use cryptic language about the sanctity of marriage instead of declaring themselves against “the rights of homosexuals.”  Read more »

Too much to be outraged about today, so take your pick:

1) War criminal Andy Card says Bam is disrespecting the Constitution because he doesn’t always wear a jacket in the Oval Office.

2) Ted Haggard’s church conquest was on the radio talking about our favorite hypocrite – turns out he had a serious drug problem and a wife who worked him with a dildo (Ted Two). Audio available.

3) McCain operative a kid toucher?  Say it isn’t so!

Read more »

Happy Anniversary!
Mark my words, your marriage won’t last another year.

Congratulations, Graduate!
Your degree is worthless and you’ll be a failure in life.

Happy Birthday!
Enjoy what few days you have remaining before the cancer diagnosis.

Season’s Greetings!
The time you waste on naive good cheer would be better spent digging a fallout shelter.

Happy Valentine’s Day!
Love is a poor substitute for vigilance.

Happy Mother’s Day!
You’re not worthy of me.

Condolences on Your Loss
It should have been you.

Cheney warns of new attacks [Politico]

Via D-Listed (audio NSFW):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gbz6-7c_7Hk