Dick Cheney Greeting Cards

Many happy returns.Happy Anniversary!
Mark my words, your marriage won’t last another year.

Congratulations, Graduate!
Your degree is worthless and you’ll be a failure in life.

Happy Birthday!
Enjoy what few days you have remaining before the cancer diagnosis.

Season’s Greetings!
The time you waste on naive good cheer would be better spent digging a fallout shelter.

Happy Valentine’s Day!
Love is a poor substitute for vigilance.

Happy Mother’s Day!
You’re not worthy of me.

Condolences on Your Loss
It should have been you.

Cheney warns of new attacks [Politico]
31 Comments

Nojo, +100, teh bestest ever. Sell it, send it around, it is genius.

@Prommie: Agreed. But last night I was totes Mopey, not Hopey, telling the wife that the fix is in, the jig is up, the game is over: Rush Redux and the Limousine Liberals are playing in the 1993 lobby tonight and Black Eagle is treading into dangerous levels of Jimmy Carter irrevelancy if he doesn’t right this ship and start knocking heads. Where is Rahm “I don’t need no middle finger to say Eff You” Emanuel, anyway?

@nabisco: I’m mopey today. 620,000 new unemployment claims. GM sales down 49% for January, YOY. Chrysler, 55%. Fucking world economy is collapsing. We gotta get Amish while we still can.

Nojo, seriously, these cards would sell big time.

@Prommie: Man, if I were Amish, I would so being doing the “told you so” dance about now. Good thing they’re better people than I am.

@Mistress Cynica: They even forgave that school shooter, they are good people, I just wouldn’t want to be one of their working animals, or children.

@mellbell: If someone could do a really realistic graphic, that picture, but animated, like a video game, and you could use a wii to hit him in the head with a Louisville Slugger, as FCS recomends, and just take his head apart, send scraps of skull and teeth flying onto the wall behind him, that would be great, just think of the emotional satisfaction, especially if it had good sound effects, too, the scrunching wet cracking sound, and perhaps some brief grunt from ole Dick as he dies. I’d be like one of those rats that just kept hitting the button for cocaine and died of starvation, if there was some way to experience that, some virtual “hit cheney in the head with a bat” game.

@Prommie: They didn’t just forgive him, they made sure his widow and kids had food and clothing and were sheltered from the press immediately after. They did raze the school building and build a new one with slightly more security, but that’s mainly because they love themselves a good barn raising.

I love Amish country. That’s where I spend most of my spring and summer Sundays on a bicycle. Some beautiful rides if you find the roads that aren’t trafficked by the NY tourists. Sundays are also the only day they seem to take off, so if I time my rides right I catch folks being kind of lazy under the community shade tree, all their buggies parked like a county fair.

@Prommie: Combine that with the new 3DTVs that are coming out and I think you’ve hit gaming gold.

@nabisco: They’re giving away free miracle electric fireplaces here, if you buy one of their hand-crafted mantles. But they limit purchases to three per household.

@Prommie: That would be so awesome. I would actually buy a wii if they made something like that.

I would buy a 100 copies of the Valentine’s Day one and send it to everyone I know. That’s how much I hate that retched holiday.

@Prommie:
whack-a-mole, such as?
now that would be groovy. no moles, just those vomitous pinheads popping up…WHACK!
and whoever doesn’t know whack-a-mole, you had a deprived childhood. i used to imagine it was family members i was whacking.

@Jamie Sommers:
You and me both.

@baked:
Hey pretty lady, how’s Israel?

@Jamie Sommers: I don’t know if the use of retched was on purpose or freudian, but either way it’s simply divine.

Nojo, my darling, you are brilliant. Those are wonderful. I haven’t read any other comments yet, but I expect you are receiving unanimous acclaim, kudos, honorary degrees, telegrams of congratulations, bouquets, boxes of chocolates, offers of sexual favors, etc., etc.

@Jamie Sommers: You and me both. And no one could hate it worse than Mr Cyn, former waiter. It pisses me off that one of the nights I’m in SF, I won’t be able to go out and have a nice (or even decent) dinner because it’s fucking VD. And it’s on a Saturday. Say hello to cheese crackers and chips from the vending machine.

@Mistress Cynica: Can’t you go have a romantic, home-cooked dinner for three with SFL and Mr. SFL?

@flippin eck: Alas, SFL and Mr. SFL are going to miss V-Day this year. Literally. We’re getting on a plane the night of Friday the 13th and when we land in Auckland it will be Sunday the 15th. I told Mr. SFL he chose those dates so he doesn’t have to buy me a card.

@Mistress Cynica: I abhored V-Day when I waited tables. Though one year I witnessed a woman turn down a marriage proposal. That was awkward.

@Mistress Cynica: Find a cozy tavern and drink Ballantines and eat bar nuts. You’ll make friends!

@SanFranLefty: Is it just me or does the website give no address or phone number?

@Benedick: It does not. The whole speakeasy mystique of the past is maintained.

You have to make reservations on-line for the main area of the bar. Otherwise if you don’t have a reservation, you have to know the password to get into the Library where you can also drink. (Hint: it’s “books”). I have never gone, but have heard rave reviews of the place.

It’s on the corner of Jones and Geary (501 Jones). The Googlez sez the phone number is (415) 346-1735.

@SanFranLefty: Looks awesome. The town I grew up in is halfway between NY and Philly, and was a famous stopover for bands during Prohibition. There were some great bars I discovered during vacations from college that had never changed from the original. Now sadly they’re all re-done as Zanigans or whatevers.

@SanFranLefty: Hell! I’m staying on the corner of Jones and Geary! And I know actors who need to eat and drink after the show. And to get their friends drunk, too. But, with the greatest respect to your goodself, this reeks of twee to me. If I want to get hammered I don’t need theme.

Had a hilarious dinner last night at Hotel Monaco restaurant. Vile food and a waiter so drenched in hauteur I couldn’t stop laughing. But a nice glass of wine. And pretty decor. I’m not thinking it’s representative. Joe Allen’s in New York used to have waiters like that who were quite spectacularly rude to one unless they reckoned you were ‘somebody’.

@Benedick: The Theatre District/Union Square area is filled with restaurants with waiters with attitude. Mainly because most of the diners will never be back again. Have you tried any of the Vietnamese pho places in the Tenderloin? They’re awesome. Just tell them which meats or fish you want (or don’t want) and they’ll whip up something for you.

Like I said, I haven’t been to this place. The reviews on Yelp and Citysearch either love it or hate it.

@SanFranLefty: The Grand Cafe wasn’t our idea. I’m going to a Vietnamese rest tonight then seeing the play at ACT. I didn’t mind the waiter. I can get pretty hoity-toity myself when necessary.

Was just out at Jones and Geary. No sign. But there are plenty of other places around.

@SanFranLefty: It was mentioned in an article on “art of the cocktail” I read somewhere, maybe NYT.
@Benedick: Well, according to Frank Bruni, waiters in NYC are now falling all over themselves to be nice. Maybe the kids in SF haven’t heard about the depression economy.

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