Item: The San Francisco Chronicle is seriously on the ropes. May close within weeks.

Yeah, we all knew that Dead Tree was going the way of the dinosaur. But I don’t know if I’m ready for this . . .

Because someone has to keep an eye on the Bible thumpers:

Georgia Woman Runs Over Boyfriend for Not Going to Church

Baltimore Father Stabs Son After Teen Refuses to Remove Hat in Church

Bobby Jindal Casts Out Chances For Higher Office

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RNCs Promise to Crush Dissent and Treasonous Collaboration With All Due Brutality and Single Minded Fanaticism Delights the Party Faithful

Newly appointed RNC Chairman Michael Steele is preparing to stomp the three GOP Senators who crossed the aisle and voted in favor of the recently passed economic revitalization package, to punish heretical moderation that threatens to forestall the party’s hysterical, psychopathic march to cataclysmic implosion.

At once, the party uberfuhrer will prove his bona fides as a grinning fanatic and as the ultimate enforcer of the GOP by bringing down his boot on the throats of party apostates. “Collaboration is surrender. The party says to them, ‘those who want to live, let them fight, and those who do not want to fight in this world of eternal struggle do not deserve to live’,” Steele spat at Neil Cavuto during Cavuto’s regularly scheduled Fox News hatecast on February 23.

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Well, that was interesting. We have no idea how yesterday’s dirge reached Ana Marie Cox, but once she posted it in her Twitter feed, the phone started ringing off the hook.

Granted, that was Wells Fargo trying to pitch us insurance, but still.

We first noticed something odd was happening when Twitter sent us a handful of subscription notices in the morning, immediately surpassing our monthly average. And then RomeGirl told us folks were subscribing to her Twitter feed as well.

We’ll call that the Twitter Trickle. And flagellate ourself for doing so.

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Okay, now we get Will Smith’s reference while mangling his Oscar presentation — something to do with a college sportscaster, or maybe Jimmie Walker. And if Barry trips over a line during tonight’s Not-the-State-of-the-Union Address, he has a go-to catchphrase at hand. It even refers to hoops footage, which would tie everything together. Not to mention Mr. Smith on record wanting to play Obama in the biopic.

And if you survived that introduction, you’re welcome to participate in our Not-SOTU Open Thread/Good Times Singalong, which is also eerily appropriate tonight: Temporary layoffs. Easy credit ripoffs. Scratchin’ and surviving. Hangin’ in a chow line. Next year, if we’re lucky, we can do Movin’ On Up instead.

One of these Wendys is not like the other.

hyp·o·crite
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English ypocrite, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin hypocrita, from Greek hypokritēs actor, hypocrite, from hypokrinesthai
Date:  13th century
1. a person who puts on a false appearance of virtue or religion;
2. a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings.

Senator David Vitter (R-LA) has called on Senator Roland Burris (D-IL) to resign. Senator Vitter, you’ll recall, refused to resign when exposed as a hooker fucker.

Despite his own refusal to resign after admitting to being a former patron of the “DC Madam”, Vitter dismissed the notion that his demands of Burris are hypocritical. “I honestly don’t know anybody who would compare these situations. They are dramatically different,” Vitter said.

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Back in the day, what drew us to Gawker websites was the voice of their writers. Ana Marie. Mark (and later, Seth). Jessica (and later, Jesse). Even Ken at Sploid, before he turned into an asshat.

It wasn’t about the “news” — you can get news anywhere — and it really wasn’t about the attitude. It was about their humanity, expressed in the joy and pain of cranking out a dozen posts a day. The sites were blogs, and their hosts were personable, like friends at a party.

All of which peaked long ago. With each staff and design change, Gawker Media has been peeling off the very things that made it work.

And now, there’s nothing left.

The last thread that tied us to Gawker Media’s Golden Age was cut Sunday, when Defamer was folded into the Mothership and Seth Abramovitch relieved of his duties. Their Oscar liveblog — the highlight of the Defamer year — was his last post.

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