Marge Simpson makes cover of Playboy [Reuters]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1TiJNewpCnY

Instructions in male grooming from SNL Gillette, which shows the proper way to clear the weeds around your sapling brush from your towering redwood. There’s an old joke with the punchline “Could you pucker?”, but unfortunately it’s gender-inappropriate.

Gillette video teaches art of genital shaving [AdFreak, via Sully]

Our in-box is, um, swelling with tips, and without a flattened Chinese Sex Park commanding our attention, now seems a good moment for some Holiday Weekend cleaning:

• Congratulations to Jenyne Butterfly, Miss USPDF 2009! And to the other entrants of the U.S. Pole Dance Federation championships, better luck next year! (Via RML)
• Can’t wait for Miss USPDF 2010? Good news! Miami takes on Chicago in their season opener for the Lingerie Football League in September. (Via RML. Again. We’re telling Mrs. RML.)

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We’re not sure this is what folks have in mind when they think about sex tourism, but China will be entering the market this fall when it opens “Love Land,” a theme park devoted to the horny kid in all of us.

Think animatronic pestorking displays and a waterslide Magic Mound.

Okay, we’re making that up. We think.

But it’s hard not to presume, not when guests are greeted by a “giant revolving model of a woman’s legs and lower torso, clad only in an unflattering crimson thong.” Nor when one of the park’s attractions will be an “oversized replica of a set of genitals.” Might we suggest an Orgasmatron? Or a haunted Notell Hotel? Or a detailed scale model of — yes, we’re going there — Epcock Center?

Fine, fine. But don’t be surprised when Six Flags adopts our brilliant ideas to save itself from bankruptcy.

China to open first sex theme park [Guardian UK]

Update: The park’s been demolished.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5TJApnJ8X8

“I put the hot dog up to my mouth, and somebody started screaming.”

We don’t recall seeing this in grade school, but it would explain so much if we did.

Moments like this, we’re not even going to try to top Britain’s Sun, home of the Page 3 hotties:

These are the brazen bonkers who had sex on the Queen’s front lawn at Windsor Castle.

Posh blonde Joy Taylor, 35, and balding romeo Phil Carden, 30, are both high-flyers in business. The pair were seen laughing on the steps of Joy’s West London flat.

But both fear they could lose their jobs after police caught them romping while Her Majesty was in residence at one’s favourite home.

They stripped for action after an all-day booze bender in which they sank champagne and wine in the Royal town’s bars.

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From the Stinque mailbox, a French commercial from the 1980s demonstrating the benefits of Perrier’s new, um, larger package. We’d like to remind our audience that France is a Catholic nation, and their God clearly has a more wicked sense of humor than ours.