Lie Back and Think of England

Moments like this, we’re not even going to try to top Britain’s Sun, home of the Page 3 hotties:

These are the brazen bonkers who had sex on the Queen’s front lawn at Windsor Castle.

Posh blonde Joy Taylor, 35, and balding romeo Phil Carden, 30, are both high-flyers in business. The pair were seen laughing on the steps of Joy’s West London flat.

But both fear they could lose their jobs after police caught them romping while Her Majesty was in residence at one’s favourite home.

They stripped for action after an all-day booze bender in which they sank champagne and wine in the Royal town’s bars.

Joy and Phil did God’s Work for twenty minutes before the Royal Protection Squad caught them beneath the Garter Tower. But not before a crowd of Japanese tourists whipped out their video cameras and added some running commentary.

While the Queen was home at the time, she didn’t catch the action. Maybe. “Her private apartments are at the other end, so she would have been blissfully unaware of it,” says a source. But with the stakes so high, we’re not satisfied by a subjunctive conditional.

Who’s giving one one on one’s lawn? [Sun UK]

This one and this one are the ones who gave each other one on one’s lawn [Sun UK]

32 comments:

11:27 pm • Friday • May 1, 2009

Well then, who has done it in public?

11:29 pm • Friday • May 1, 2009

Hiking, thats a great sport, there are some activities involved in hiking not mentioned in the healthy crunchy granola hiking magazines. Hiking, anyone?

11:33 pm • Friday • May 1, 2009

Does doing it in a car count? What about road head? Has anyone of the stinquey’s ever knowingly done it, knowing others can see?

11:34 pm • Friday • May 1, 2009

@Promnight:
I wouldn’t recommend outdoor perstorking in Canada City Hiking Trails except for one month. Not because it’s not a bad thing.

May-June: Black Flies.
June-Aug: Mosquitoes.

Otherwise, Sept might be okay.

11:48 pm • Friday • May 1, 2009

What did I miss? Internet here has been out for 5 hours. Just back – feel like I’ve been on another planet.

11:55 pm • Friday • May 1, 2009

Methinks if the Queen was so blissful, she might not have been unaware of it.

@Promnight: Does playing pocket pool on a long drive through Death Valley count? Thought not.

Anyway, ever since Garp I’ve never been able to contemplate road head without that horrifying climax giving me a soft-on.

12:06 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

@Pedonator: No, no, that counts. Thats a great confession, and opens a great topic, masturbation while on long distance drives. I bet its not rare.

12:13 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

@Promnight: Not rare at all, at least in my personal unscientific statistic sample.

12:15 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

@Promnight:
Sadly no.

On a Grade 8 trip to Ottawa, some of the girls freaked out when they spotted a guy driving a convertible with one hand on the wheel and other on his, er, shift stick as our bus passed him. Some guys might, uh, shrink away but apparently he got more excited.

This was not as bad as the story of one of the guys accidentally seeing our female teacher half naked (but it was more traumatic than exciting.)

12:24 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

@ManchuCandidate: See that, a traumatic early experience constricted your perceptions.

12:48 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

1. In public in broad view of others.

2. In a secluded public place where you are pretty sure, but not completely, that noone will see.

3. In the beautiful great outdoors, under the daytime sun, but so far beyond the travelled trails that it was reasonably safe.

4. On an airplane, in the seat or in the bathroom. Mile high club.

5. Road head.

6. Road self-pleasuring.

7. On the beach at night and hopefully alone, but caution was thrown to the wind.

8. Road head when you knew damn well a trucker could see it.

9. In a car (what really matters is where the car was parked, but we will leave this broad).

10. On top of the pile of coats in the spare bedroom during a party.

Anyone? You can respond just by number.

1:02 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

6a/8. Road self-pleasuring because a trucker could see it.

1:17 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

@Promnight:
7 out of 10 prommie! why has no one else confessed.
i know damn well i’m not the only fun slut around these parts!
and i say that with admiration for my sisters and brothers here, and i know who you are…give it up! like prommie asked, what’s your number?

1:27 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

I’m a 2.

1:27 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

I have 6 of ten, and being the timid soul I am, you can be sure its the safest 6.

1:29 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

There is, of course, 11, which is one more than 10. Eleven would be doing it in view of the other people in the same bed you are in.

1:30 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

@baked: I’m not about to confess until you order some of your IDF hottie-harem members to, um, come after me. Or before me, I’m really not that picky.

1:34 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

@Promnight: 11. I’ve done that but it really wasn’t anything to write home to Kansas about.

1:44 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

I can’t believe it, but I’ve only done #s 2 & 3!

I feel so chaste, like I may faint if I glimpse Hugh Jackman’s ankle. I’ll be spending the rest of the evening in the monastery.

1:50 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

2, 5, 6, 7 9, & 10. Dear God, I am a good time gal, aren’t I?

1:58 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

@Original Andrew: Man up and put the hammer down!

Anyway a glimpse of Hugh Jackman’s ankle should be enough to trigger multiple orgasms in any sane human being. I’d definitely be an ankle-biter for That One.

(I am a sexually timid creature except in my fantasies)

2:00 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

@cassandra_said: The good thing about good time gals is: they have good times! Wish I were there you!

2:05 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

@Pedonator: That we do, that we do.

2:09 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

@ Nojo – Those people on the lawn really saved your (piece of ) ass for tonight.

4:33 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

@redmanlaw: It’s very rare that a winner shows up on the first page of “sex -offender” at Google News.

6:11 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

Wait. Windsor????? People do it in Windsor???? I did not know that.

Prom should get some kind of award for a valiant effort to keep Friday going. I went to bed.

9:06 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

@cassandra_said:
good girls go to heaven
bad fun girls go everywhere

9:49 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

@Promnight: Not to crow or anything, but all but one. Oh, and plus 11, but it was a huge room with all of us on the floor in sleeping bags and we were very very quiet.

11:09 am • Saturday • May 2, 2009

@Promnight:
Jeez. I am deprived. 9.

2:13 pm • Saturday • May 2, 2009

@Promnight: 2, 3, 4, 7, 9, 10. I’ve also had relations on or near national landmarks. Several, in fact.

Add: @Nabisco: Oh, if we’re counting on the floor in sleeping bags at a youth hostel or a hiking hut, then yes, add 11 to my list.

Damn, I’m a whore.

2:20 pm • Saturday • May 2, 2009

@SanFranLefty: Holy smokes, the coveted number 4, how, how how does one do that? I am led to understand that Virgin has no issues with it in their nearly private Upper class sleepers on transatlantic flights, but thats expensive. Leaving that out, I could never figure out a way I would dare, on a plane.

2:23 pm • Saturday • May 2, 2009

@Promnight: Not to get to Clintonian on you, but it depends on how you define sex – whether you use the hetero-normative definition of male part fits in female part, or whether you use a more flexible definition of it meaning people getting off.

To answer your question: Night flight, several blankets, towel.

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