It’s midnight in Australia. Why aren’t you drinking?

As we enter the thirteenth year of the New Millennium, once again we ask the Eternal Question: Where are the jetpacks?

We celebrate, as always, by starting with Oz. But with a tinge of regret this time, since we only have 356 days left of existence.

Why all the clocks? The first year we did this, we ran separate posts for each time zone, and inadvertently created a Singularity. Now we just leave it at the East Coast, because really, the rest of America doesn’t count.

On this most sacred of drinking days, it is our solemn tradition to observe that it is now midnight in Sydney, and declare everybody an honorary Aussie.

Hey! Watch it! You can take out someone’s eye with that cork!

Can Wanda Sykes Will Limbaugh to Die? Let's Find Out! Maybe Jesus will nuke Fuckbaugh if she promises him a taste of her luscious breasts. Yes, oh, God, yes.

The incredibly funny and unimaginably luscious Wanda Sykes famously wished that Rush Limbaugh’s heart would fail at Obama’s first White House Correspondents dinner this year, responding to Fuckbaugh’s howling condemnation of Obama and wish that he and his presidency fail.

Well, it appears Wanda has special powers, command of the paranormal and a profoundly righteous sense of justice, as Oxybaugh was carried off to a hospital on Honolulu yesterday after complaining of chest pains.

Maybe, just maybe, however, Wanda needs a little help with her aim.

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