“A Florida personal injury lawyer has filed a federal lawsuit against Hewlett-Packard on behalf of rock and roll icon Ernest Evans, better known as Chubby Checker, over an app developed for webOS that ‘adversely affects Chubby Checker’s brand and value…’ That app, called the ‘Chubby Checker,’ allows users to enter a man’s shoe size to estimate the size of his penis.” [Ars Technica]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0cRHsApzt8

The title translates as “Jesus Fucking Christ I just shit my pants.”

Meteorite hits Russian Urals: Fireball explosion wreaks havok, 400 injured [Russia Today]

Product: “Playmobil Police Carrying Case Playset”

Blurb: “The miniature worlds of Playmobil encourage children to explore and learn while having fun.”

Rank: 15,946 in Toys & Games

Review: “I use playmobil toys for play therapy when I counsel grade school children.”

Customers Also Bought: “Playmobil Tactical Unit Helicopter”

Footnote: Playmobil is based in Germany.

Playmobil Police Carrying Case Playset [Amazon]

Plastic ’em up: Playmobil set re-enacting a bank robbery goes on sale at Toys R Us [Daily Mail]

Our guest columnist is batshit crazy.

Hurricanes. Tornadoes. Riots. Terrorists. Gangs. Lone criminals. These are perils we are sure to face — not just maybe. It’s not paranoia to buy a gun. It’s survival. It’s responsible behavior, and it’s time we encourage law-abiding Americans to do just that.

Read more »

“An internal investigation of FreedomWorks — the prominent conservative advocacy group and super-PAC — has focused on president Matt Kibbe’s management of the organization… One potential topic for the inquiry is a promotional video produced last year… The video included a scene in which a female intern wearing a panda suit simulates performing oral sex on Hillary Clinton.” [Mother Jones]

‘Canada will never be a safe haven for zombies,’ Foreign Minister John Baird tells House of Commons [National Post, via @pourmecoffee]

“This is the first time in the history that a presidential nominee for secretary of defense has been filibustered. What a shame.” —Harry Reid, mourning the use of nonconstitutional parliamentary tactics that he did nothing to prevent. [Politico]