Great Balls o’ Fire

Back when all this began, when the aliens invaded and the timeline shifted and the world spun off its axis, we started wondering what life was like in Weimar Germany, knowing what’s coming and being unable to stop it.

We haven’t wondered that lately. Now it’s more like 1860 America.

We’re not alone, obviously. You probably have some excitable friends assuming the worst, and really, who can blame them? What’s to stop all those (white) people from acting out the moment they no longer get their way? What’s to stop politicians from preying on their fears the way they’ve been doing for, oh, let’s say fifty years now?

What’s to stop the next Civil War?

Read more »

The title translates as “Jesus Fucking Christ I just shit my pants.”

Meteorite hits Russian Urals: Fireball explosion wreaks havok, 400 injured [Russia Today]

Sure, Johnny boffed the chick, but he swears her child is not the daughter of the son of a millworker. He stopped fucking the mother months before the birth.

But we just want to revive one of the great SNL bits, Ackroyd as Jimmy discussing the timeless Democratic tradition, “sexual performance in the White House”:

So far in my campaign, I have only fantisized. But now I actually look forward to some of the girls I’ve lusted after. Saucy vixens like Lainie Kazan, Shari Lewis, Phyllis Newman — actually, I’m not sure God ever forgave me for Phyllis Newman. But I want you to look at our Democratic figures — FDR, LBJ, JFK, Harry Truman — now, here were lusty, zesty men, seething with vital hormonal secretions. These were men of action. Doers. Democrats! As your president, I look forward to deeply satisfying each and every last one of you! God forgive us all! Thank you!

Barry, we’re looking at you. Phylicia Rashad ain’t getting any younger.

Edwards Admits Sexual Affair; Lied as Presidential Candidate [ABC]