https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0cRHsApzt8

The title translates as “Jesus Fucking Christ I just shit my pants.”

Meteorite hits Russian Urals: Fireball explosion wreaks havok, 400 injured [Russia Today]

Product: “Playmobil Police Carrying Case Playset”

Blurb: “The miniature worlds of Playmobil encourage children to explore and learn while having fun.”

Rank: 15,946 in Toys & Games

Review: “I use playmobil toys for play therapy when I counsel grade school children.”

Customers Also Bought: “Playmobil Tactical Unit Helicopter”

Footnote: Playmobil is based in Germany.

Playmobil Police Carrying Case Playset [Amazon]

Plastic ’em up: Playmobil set re-enacting a bank robbery goes on sale at Toys R Us [Daily Mail]

Our guest columnist is batshit crazy.

Hurricanes. Tornadoes. Riots. Terrorists. Gangs. Lone criminals. These are perils we are sure to face — not just maybe. It’s not paranoia to buy a gun. It’s survival. It’s responsible behavior, and it’s time we encourage law-abiding Americans to do just that.

Read more »

“An internal investigation of FreedomWorks — the prominent conservative advocacy group and super-PAC — has focused on president Matt Kibbe’s management of the organization… One potential topic for the inquiry is a promotional video produced last year… The video included a scene in which a female intern wearing a panda suit simulates performing oral sex on Hillary Clinton.” [Mother Jones]

‘Canada will never be a safe haven for zombies,’ Foreign Minister John Baird tells House of Commons [National Post, via @pourmecoffee]

“This is the first time in the history that a presidential nominee for secretary of defense has been filibustered. What a shame.” —Harry Reid, mourning the use of nonconstitutional parliamentary tactics that he did nothing to prevent. [Politico]

“The Defense Department is reportedly inventing a new medal designed to reward soliders who fight battles from the safety of their computer consoles. The Associated Press says the Pentagon is creating a new ribbon, called the Distinguished Warfare Medal that will be given for ‘extra achievement’ related to a military operation. That would include drone pilots…” [Atlantic]