“I don’t agree with everything that Pastor Hagee’s done and said… but there is so much more important than that that we agree on.”
  —Joe Lieberman, speaking Tuesday night
  to John Hagee’s Christians United for Israel

• “All hurricanes are acts of God, because God controls the heavens. I believe that New Orleans had a level of sin that was offensive to God, and they are — were recipients of the judgment of God for that.” (Fresh Air, 2006)
• “Slavery in America is returning to Cornerstone… Make plans to come and go home with a slave.” (“Slave sale” fundraiser in Cornerstone Church newsletter, 1996)
• “Most readers will be shocked by the clear record of history linking Adolf Hitler and the Roman Catholic Church in a conspiracy to exterminate the Jews.” (Jerusalem Countdown, 2006)
• “Islam in general, those who live by the Quran have a scriptural mandate to kill Christians and Jews.” (Fresh Air, 2006)
• “It is the natural desire of a woman to lead through feminine manipulation of the man… Fallen women will try to dominate the marriage.” (What Every Man Wants in a Woman, 2005)
• “The military will have difficultly recruiting healthy and strong heterosexuals for combat purposes. Why? Fighting in combat with a man in your fox hole that has AIDS or is HIV positive is double jeopardy.” (Bible Positions on Political Issues, 1992)
• “Homosexuality means the death of society because homosexuals can recruit, but they cannot reproduce.” (What Every Man Wants in a Woman, 2005)

Lieberman praises pastor repudiated by McCain [Reuters]

Citations from Media Matters (2/28/08, 3/14/08, 3/25/08)

I’m sorry I’m late, but Barack Obama’s opposition to offshore drilling made me miss a turn. This after I waited in line ten minutes for a frappamochamuthafucka, only to discover that Obama’s stance on parental responsibility prevented me from hitting the bank machine first.

I was going to text you, but my cell has sucked ever since Obama’s healthcare policy caused me to drop it in the toilet. And my plans to replace it with a new iPhone were thwarted when Obama’s college tax-credit proposal forced me to attend a Batman matinee instead.

But perhaps I’m being too harsh on myself. Life’s been rough after Obama’s proposed immigration reforms compelled me to sleep with my best friend’s wife. And I know that if not for Obama’s plan to provide affordable broadband coverage across rural America, I’d have been born to different parents.

Anyway, forget all that, I’m here now. Wait — do I know you?

McCain Ad Takes On Obama Over Gas Prices [NYT]

2002: “Saddam Hussein is the most significant threat to our national security, and we must take strong action to pry the poisons, toxins, and the plans for nuclear weapons out of his hands.”

2003: “This is a day to face facts. Saddam has weapons of mass destruction. That is a fact.”

2004: “A democracy such as ours can only go to war and win with the informed support of the people.”

2005: “It is time for us to set aside for now the arguments about why we got into Iraq so that we can work together on how we can get out best in victory and honor with the job done.”

2006: “I hope that the Prime Minister [Malaki] takes away from his visit here that the US will continue to back him in his fight to build a stable, secure, democratic and independent Iraq, but that success in that quest will not depend on us.”

2007: “Precisely because [the] United States did invade Iraq, we are more, not less, responsible for stopping the atrocities unfolding there now.”

2008: “The fact is that if Barack Obama’s policy on Iraq had been implemented, Barack Obama couldn’t go to Iraq today. It wouldn’t be safe.”

The Surge: Who Was Right? Lieberman and Bayh Square Off [Fox]

“We want to stay there to a victory, because we don’t want all those who have served in the American uniform there to have served, or in some cases died, in vain.”

We almost went with “White Light/White Heat”, mainly because we think we our head just exploded.

Lieberman: Obama’s Iraq Trip Only Possible Because of McCain [ABC]

Hint: If you’re looking for someone in this list capable of kicking ass and taking names, it’s not #4.

Meet the Press: Al Gore and Tom Brokaw hunt the elusive Manbearpig.

Face the Nation: Someone should tell Joe Lieberman (I-Robot) that you only win the coveted Full Ginsberg by appearing on all five shows the same day.

This Week: Celebrate the pre-empting British Open by wishing Diana Rigg a happy 70th birthday!

Late Edition: Only seven years into a presidency so criminal and incompetent that historians will be fighting each other for the best adjectives, Nancy Pelosi bravely steps forward to say Bush is an idiot.

Fox News Sunday: We dare Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, to drop Dr. Strangelove references.

Guests and topics subject to change. Hang tight, kids, Shark Week is almost here!

MTP, FTN, This Week, Late Edition, This is the War Room!

Obama trip could push rock-star persona to new heights [Fox]

Hysteria alert: Barack Obama starts world tour [Times UK]

Networks follow Obama overseas [Reuters]

Poll: Obama elicits more excitement than McCain [USA Today]

Obama-palooza [MSNBC]

We can’t hope to top a week featuring Sex with God and Sex with Dog, and while we’re strangely attracted to Sex with Pope, let’s instead head for the cybermall to go shopping for Christian sex toys. If these don’t make you scream for Jesus, we pray for your soul.

Inner Desire Velvet Touch Egg
“We were very happy to find that the entire thing, even the controller is waterproof in the shower.”

Fun Factory Patchy Paul
“Detailed operating instructions are included with a sample of Toyfluid.”

Duckie Waterproof Massager
“But when the mood does strike… let’s just say the duckie is real pleasure to have around!”

Snuggle Puss
“A contact point at the base of the ‘u’ turns it on when inserted, so Snuggle Puss works when you wear it.”

Rock Hard Power Spray
“This spray desensitizes with benzocaine to prolong your erection.”

Chocolate Body Frosting
“The chocolate frosting was absolutely delicious, but I preferred licking it off my fingers. My husband is too hairy!”

Vanilla Tie Up Kit
“Our Vanilla Bondage Lover’s Kit combines a creamy blindfold with the seductive swirl of silky ties in a faux ice cream package.”

Before and After Toy Cleaner
“We don’t have to leave our private toys to dry on the counter where little eyes might see them in the morning.”

Covenant Spice: Christian romance and sex toys to enhance intimacy

The joy of Christian sex [Sydney Morning Herald]