It’s Not My Fault
I’m sorry I’m late, but Barack Obama’s opposition to offshore drilling made me miss a turn. This after I waited in line ten minutes for a frappamochamuthafucka, only to discover that Obama’s stance on parental responsibility prevented me from hitting the bank machine first.
I was going to text you, but my cell has sucked ever since Obama’s healthcare policy caused me to drop it in the toilet. And my plans to replace it with a new iPhone were thwarted when Obama’s college tax-credit proposal forced me to attend a Batman matinee instead.
But perhaps I’m being too harsh on myself. Life’s been rough after Obama’s proposed immigration reforms compelled me to sleep with my best friend’s wife. And I know that if not for Obama’s plan to provide affordable broadband coverage across rural America, I’d have been born to different parents.
Anyway, forget all that, I’m here now. Wait — do I know you?
¡ANDREW! • Other Useful Exposure Notifications @nojo: Apparently they have cliff divers to entertain patrons while they enjoy their meals. Mr. A!…
NOJO • Other Useful Exposure Notifications @¡Andrew!: So that’s not the waterpark? Been here eight years, still get my landmarks confused.
¡ANDREW! • Other Useful Exposure Notifications I saw that Casa Bonita is reopening in Denver OMGOMGOMG!! Y'all are so lucky--it'll be mass…
¡ANDREW! • Other Useful Exposure Notifications America Is An Out-Of-Touch Gerontocracy, And I’m Glad I Don’t Live There "These has-been…
¡ANDREW! • Other Useful Exposure Notifications Can we get a proof of life from Merrique "let them eat endless investigations" Garlandtoinette?…
MANCHUCANDIDATE • Bye! And the drips keep on coming. With each lame denial comes another revelation about Justice Ruckus.
MANCHUCANDIDATE • Bye! @¡Andrew!: Before we found about why Thomas goes as the Crow flies (in a private jet.)
¡ANDREW! • Bye! Survey Finds Nearly 6 In 10 Wealthy Americans Living Fraud To Fraud WASHINGTON—Noting that the…
NOJO • Bye! @¡Andrew!: From what I’m seeing in bits and pieces, yeah, Licht. CNN under Zucker was bad…
¡ANDREW! • Bye! @nojo: When life gives you Lemons (shrug). Not particularly sad, since: 1. Who still watches…