Well, of course a story with “zombie ants” in the headline is going to attract us. And of course the details of interspecies insect carnage are going to gross us out. But here’s the thing: We can’t help reading it.

Nor can we help sharing it. Please — please — swallow your coffee before continuing. And if you know Sam Raimi’s number, dish.

Ready? We’re serious: Are you ready to have any and all proximate meals ruined? Okay, then. Strap in!

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A. “Do you want to go down the road of Nigeria and corruption and have a country in which, as long as he’s popular, he can break the law?” (Newt Gingrich)

B. “Presidents are not ordinary citizens. They are extraordinary, in that they are vested with so much more authority and power than the rest of us. We have a right; indeed, we have an obligation, to hold them strictly accountable to the rule of law.” (John McCain)

C. “Under the Constitution that we swore to defend, these are serious crimes, crimes that our constituents would go to prison for. And do we hold the president, the top-ranking law enforcement official in our country, to a lower standard?” (John Boehner)

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It would be so easier to come up with a caption if this was Dubya’s crew.

First 100 Days – Delivering on Change [Flickr/White House]

If you visit Larry Klayman’s Freedom Watch website, you’ll find the usual complaints about “a new Obama-Clinton regime that is using the economic crisis as an excuse to turn our nation into a socialist Euro-style welfare state,” the usual proclamation of “true American values,” the usual anti-immigration paranoia.

What you won’t find is Klayman’s certainty that the government is covering up UFO evidence.

Which wouldn’t be news, except that wingnut digest and teabagger enabler WorldNetDaily made that its top story Sunday. And Klayman’s claim to fame is founding Bubba-stalker Judicial Watch.

Upon which everything suddenly makes sense. It’s like discovering that the Smoking Man is Mulder’s father.

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Title: Sarah Palin: Poised to Become America’s First Female President

Author: Recaldo Ochoa

Rank: 329,289

Blurb: “During the campaign, the media attacked her, as did her detractors from within and outside of the Republican Party. But Americans saw a tenacious political warrior who would not acquiesce in a male-dominated political battle.”

About the Author: “Recaldo Ochoa is a high school teacher who has taken over three hundred of his students to the halls of Congress and the White House to experience their federal government in action.”

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Like our President, we’re all about finding common ground with our enemies. And we think we can now agree that the decline in our nation’s values began in 1965.

That’s the year “Kimberly” entered the top five names for baby girls. The downward spiral of Decorator Names had begun.

Consider the popular names leading up to that annus horribilis. Lisa. Mary. Susan. Karen. Linda. Plain names. Utilitarian names. Democratic names that underscore how we’re all created equal.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a5TJApnJ8X8

“I put the hot dog up to my mouth, and somebody started screaming.”

We don’t recall seeing this in grade school, but it would explain so much if we did.